Soyteen Liker's Blog

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I’ll give some genuine advice rather than haha funny troll advice if it helps

1. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE SHARTY I can tell you use it, that shit is poison for a repper

2. Get as close to “male” as you can without transitioning. Dress masculine, do masculine activities, “talk” masculine. But you’re still a girl.

3. What is your ideal transitioned self? Just… be that. Nothings stopping you from being that as a girl unless your ideal transitioned self is you with an 8 inch cock

4. I’m seeing all this shaman Buddha stuff, have you ever just seen… a therapist?

 

[chudchudchudchud]

1. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE SHARTY I can tell you use it, that shit is poison for a repper

I'm still banned and they didn't touch my appeal but I don't see what the problem with it is.

2. Get as close to “male” as you can without transitioning. Dress masculine, do masculine activities, “talk” masculine. But you’re still a girl.

I can see this working for some people but I think my AAP is ultimately about male sexuality and anatomy which means doing guy stuff doesn't help at all. Not that having male sexuality or anatomy would help long-term either. It's kind of hard to explain. It feels like an addiction that feeds an entity I have.

3. What is your ideal transitioned self? Just… be that. Nothings stopping you from being that as a girl unless your ideal transitioned self is you with an 8 inch cock

My "ideal" "male" self is one who is a deep thinker and feeler and has Aspergers Syndrome. But honestly, the driving force of the AAP is the sexuality aspect and anything else is an extension of that to make it appear more legitimate.

4. I’m seeing all this shaman Buddha stuff, have you ever just seen… a therapist?

Many, none have made a dent in healing. My mom and I found that the one who I felt the most rapport with died January of this year unfortunately.

Thanks for the advice doe, I appreciate it!

 

[Gore San]

Even if a woman wanted a penis there is no way to just remove the entire system to transplant it onto said woman and still be functional. We are talking dick balls and prostate, the full package. Pun intended. The best you could do is just the penis to make it look less like a flesh empanada or Squidward's nose after they remove your arm or leg flesh to make a non functional useless lump. This is also assuming the body doesn't reject it.

 

[Home]

Even if a woman wanted a penis there is no way to just remove the entire system to transplant it onto said woman and still be functional. We are talking dick balls and prostate, the full package. Pun intended. The best you could do is just the penis to make it look less like a flesh empanada or Squidward's nose after they remove your arm or leg flesh to make a non functional useless lump. This is also assuming the body doesn't reject it.

Ya I think this is also a good thing to keep in mind, that it’s sorta impossible.

I'm still banned and they didn't touch my appeal but I don't see what the problem with it is.

There is a story by Edgar Allen Poe by the name of “The Telltale Heart”. It’s a story of a man who murders someone, and hides their parts (including their heart) under his floorboards. The police come to investigate his house and make small talk, but as they do the man can hear the still beating heart of his victim under the floorboards. It eventually drives him mad, and he shows the cop the hidden remains. Being a repper on the sharty is similar. They’re transphobic, and I don’t mean the fake definition of it, no they ACTUALLY hate trans people. And you’re, by most definitions, a trans person. To hang around people who actually want you dead will cause a Telltale Heart effect, where the pressure will get too much and you’ll snap.

My "ideal" "male" self is one who is a deep thinker and feeler and has Aspergers Syndrome. But honestly, the driving force of the AAP is the sexuality aspect and anything else is an extension of that to make it appear more legitimate.

Yo, hear me out. Honestly? This may be because of your time on the sharty (or adjacent spaces). “Deep thinker with Aspergers” sounds like what every soyteen aspires to be, philosophical smartass with some quirky trendy disease. May I ask, have your desires gotten better since you left the sharty or worse? Are you still in adjacent spaces? Do you still hold sharty adjacent views?

Many, none have made a dent in healing. My mom and I found that the one who I felt the most rapport with died January of this year unfortunately.

Thanks for the advice doe, I appreciate it!

I’m so sorry about that. And of course, anytime.

 

[chudchudchudchud]

There is a story by Edgar Allen Poe by the name of “The Telltale Heart”. It’s a story of a man who murders someone, and hides their parts (including their heart) under his floorboards. The police come to investigate his house and make small talk, but as they do the man can hear the still beating heart of his victim under the floorboards. It eventually drives him mad, and he shows the cop the hidden remains. Being a repper on the sharty is similar. They’re transphobic, and I don’t mean the fake definition of it, no they ACTUALLY hate trans people. And you’re, by most definitions, a trans person. To hang around people who actually want you dead will cause a Telltale Heart effect, where the pressure will get too much and you’ll snap.

Interesting metaphor. I don't see myself as trans though, I see myself as an AAP searching for a cure. If people can't tell the difference, that's their problem.

Yo, hear me out. Honestly? This may be because of your time on the sharty (or adjacent spaces). “Deep thinker with Aspergers” sounds like what every soyteen aspires to be, philosophical smartass with some quirky trendy disease.

I don't think so. It's moreso a consequence of THESIS being sent "to the back of the bus" so to speak (I talk about what this means in the psychological expeditions document on page 3 of this thread)

May I ask, have your desires gotten better since you left the sharty or worse?

I still lurk on the soysphere at times but being on it has helped a lot, I would say actually. I almost never consider transition in reality anymore unless I have a bad day + a trigger. But all the frens I've made have helped me with direction to reorient myself against gender ideology. Knowing that it's literally just an out of control sexuality helps a lot and it's reinforced when nobody genuinely sees me as a man. It's also reinforced when I see the contrast between myself and masculine thinking. It's also reinforced when I have guys who like me for being a woman; I used to interact a lot with 4cuck types who were rather genuinely misogynistic and bitter. I think the soysphere is rarely *bitter* per se, like yeah, there's a lot of angry people (clittycels is our term) but it feels weaponized against their targets, who aren't just women doing their own thing.

 

[Home]

I still lurk on the soysphere at times but being on it has helped a lot, I would say actually. I almost never consider transition in reality anymore unless I have a bad day + a trigger. But all the frens I've made have helped me with direction to reorient myself against gender ideology. Knowing that it's literally just an out of control sexuality helps a lot and it's reinforced when nobody genuinely sees me as a man. It's also reinforced when I see the contrast between myself and masculine thinking. It's also reinforced when I have guys who like me for being a woman; I used to interact a lot with 4cuck types who were rather genuinely misogynistic and bitter. I think the soysphere is rarely *bitter* per se, like yeah, there's a lot of angry people (clittycels is our term) but it feels weaponized against their targets, who aren't just women doing their own thing.

I’m busy rn so I’ll reply in full later but I want to offer a bit of help rn so I’ll just say that honestly to me that sounds like what 4channers call “repping”. Which usually isn’t healthy. There’s a core deep ingrained reason you feel this way that can’t be fixed by people who unironically believe all porn makes you a pedo

 

[Gore San]

people who unironically believe all porn makes you a pedo

I said it once and I'll say it again. People like this are almost always projecting. Unless their dick just doesn't work.

 

[chudchudchudchud]

Last Friday I went to see the endocrinologist who prescribed me 25mg spironolactone (testosterone blocker) because my levels were too high and I thought that might have been contributing to my AAP. He also gave me a karyotype test (chromosome testing) in a few months and I'm not really sure why.

I think some part of this scared "him" and it started attacking me again trying desperately to convince me to break nofap and that the spironolactone (spiro) would supposedly give me a mental breakdown that would force me to have no other choice but to embrace "him" and poon out.

Even though the spiro is still delayed at my pharmacy, I have found determination to kill/banish/destroy "him" once again. It feels a lot like this excerpt from a Rod Fleming article (a researcher into autogynephilia).

In this world... it's KILL or be KILLED!

I joke but there's this character that's my #1 "literally me" that I know of, especially how he is characterized in some fan songs. He's a lot like ANTITHESIS because both feel nothing but pain and some kind of driving force (lust in ANTITHESIS'S case). He misses being soft and sensitive and loving and tries his best to be a good moral person despite not feeling anything for eons, slowly going insane and wanting to fuck everything up because he sees no point to anything if he can't feel

It's kind of funny, he was created by an experiment and sometimes I think transgenderism is a massive deliberate psyop although I don't have enough evidence to show that it is. I remember someone before me saying they made the connection that he was an unintentional metaphor for AGP/AAP reppers but they never delivered unfortunately.

 

[Soyteen Liker]

not reading allat lil nigga

 

[Home]

Interesting metaphor. I don't see myself as trans though, I see myself as an AAP searching for a cure. If people can't tell the difference, that's their problem.

I don't think so. It's moreso a consequence of THESIS being sent "to the back of the bus" so to speak (I talk about what this means in the psychological expeditions document on page 3 of this thread)

I still lurk on the soysphere at times but being on it has helped a lot, I would say actually. I almost never consider transition in reality anymore unless I have a bad day + a trigger. But all the frens I've made have helped me with direction to reorient myself against gender ideology. Knowing that it's literally just an out of control sexuality helps a lot and it's reinforced when nobody genuinely sees me as a man. It's also reinforced when I see the contrast between myself and masculine thinking. It's also reinforced when I have guys who like me for being a woman; I used to interact a lot with 4cuck types who were rather genuinely misogynistic and bitter. I think the soysphere is rarely *bitter* per se, like yeah, there's a lot of angry people (clittycels is our term) but it feels weaponized against their targets, who aren't just women doing their own thing.

Ok, I’ve returned to tell you what I was gonna say but was too busy to say. It won’t let me quote individually for some though so this will be a bit messy.

Like I said, that sounds like repping. “Repping” is a /lgbt/ term for pretty much when someone is trans or AGP/AAP but is resisting the urge to transition (ergo, “repressing” it). These people tend to cope by, well, doing whatever you’re doing. Going hardcore in anti-gender ideology. If you go on 4chan and ask for repping advice, most people will just straight up tell you “Be transphobic”. (Some also rep by hating their own gender or the opposing gender, which is probably why you came across misogynists.). The things you described, hating gender ideology, surrounding yourself with men to gawk at how “not man” you are, and surrounding yourself with people who “like you for being a women”, which sorta keeps the unhealthy overvaluing of gender that transgenders have (People shouldn’t like you for being women or male, they should like you for being you.), they sound like classic repping techniques. And the thing about reppers is they either transition or live most of their life wanting to die. I’d also caution that they’re called “soyteens” for a reason, and it’s unwise to interact with teenagers online when you’re this mentally unstable currently (or yknow ever.).

I want to focus on that first thing you said, coping by hating gender identity. Bad idea. Do you know how common it is to find republican officials sucking dick in bathrooms? It’s not like they became republican then gay, they became republican BECAUSE they’re gay. They thought being intensely against their urges would get rid of them, in fact, it worsened them. That’s the path I fear you may be going down, chudchud.

If you want my advice, I think if you wanna get rid of these urges you just have to disengage with gender ideology all together, positive OR negative. These urges have as much power as you give them, power is power, whether positive or negative. The more you obsess, whether it’s to hate or to love, the more power you give these urges. What I believe will help is engaging in the very freeing act of not caring. If you haven’t already, find some nice hobbies (and for the love of all that is good on this Earth, FORGET what the sharty considers “tranny” or “aryan”, just do what you WANT.), preferably outside ones. Stop obsessing over male, female, trans, cis, focus on people. These sexual urges to be male, I suspect, may be at least partially due to a high value you put on the idea of “male”. The solution isn’t to hate everyone who makes the same mistake, but to disengage from that value system entirely.


Also if you haven’t already, consider getting a boyfriend.

 

[chudchudchudchud]

@Home I overslept so I feel kind of timid and defensive right now but I'll try to reply.

While I do appreciate you trying your best, it ultimately boils down to "stop thinking about it and get a hobby", I mean, I'd love to but it's like saying "just relax!" to someone who is never relaxed (such as myself.) I used to go a group for other autists irl back last year and despite it being "fun" for awhile, it was just... I didn't feel like *I* was interacting with anyone or however the delusion is said. I could be listening to any sort of music with a high and then the entity makes me shout (in my head) "I WANT TO BE MALE" out of nowhere. I can't really escape my own mind nor "think about something else" because I can't force myself to develop interests in stuff. Not to mention, when I do manage to focus, the sensations come back to haunt me. The "I want to be male" thoughts are one thing, but what really gets me is the somatic anxiety and 'phantom penis sensations.' How does one even begin to cope with literally needing to readjust their clothes because they literally feel another ego's body on top of it?

Addendum, the reason I can't "just forget" about gender is because the entity is threatening to take over my main ego even when I'm idle, hence that's why I want to reinforce my femaleness as much as possible. It's like that one image I linked above about the succubus (incubus in my case). But on that note:

And the thing about reppers is they either transition or live most of their life wanting to die.

I've heard of cases that have been successful where people have cured their AGP/AAP/GD by destroying their own "her"/"him" which is why I still have faith I can do this too.

Also if you haven’t already, consider getting a boyfriend.

On this note, I was planning on meeting up with an online boyfriend but "he" (the entity) attacked me with great fervor and convinced me I needed to "transition" so I could receieve "his" help in the "real world" or something. It was so bad that I was making steps towards getting HRT supplies online and was genuinely planning on DIYing it until I felt like I was LARPing and got someone new to reinspire the passion to defeat "him" again. But about a boyfriend I could actually touch? I've been told to stop being TMI in public so I won't, we can take this to DMs if you're willing.

These sexual urges to be male, I suspect, may be at least partially due to a high value you put on the idea of “male”.

There is no value *I* can get in being male other than "male sexuality" because I'm 5'2 with shoes on and don't know shit about being a man.

Thanks for trying, I hope even if you weren't able to help me, you learned things that can help you help others later.

 

[Home]

@Home I overslept so I feel kind of timid and defensive right now but I'll try to reply.

That’s fine. Take your time.

While I do appreciate you trying your best, it ultimately boils down to "stop thinking about it and get a hobby", I mean, I'd love to but it's like saying "just relax!" to someone who is never relaxed (such as myself.) I used to go a group for other autists irl back last year and despite it being "fun" for awhile, it was just... I didn't feel like *I* was interacting with anyone or however the delusion is said. I could be listening to any sort of music with a high and then the entity makes me shout (in my head) "I WANT TO BE MALE" out of nowhere. I can't really escape my own mind nor "think about something else" because I can't force myself to develop interests in stuff. Not to mention, when I do manage to focus, the sensations come back to haunt me. The "I want to be male" thoughts are one thing, but what really gets me is the somatic anxiety and 'phantom penis sensations.' How does one even begin to cope with literally needing to readjust their clothes because they literally feel another ego's body on top of it?

I don’t want you to just stop thinking about it. You can’t, like you said. Even then, it wouldn’t be healthy to just stop acknowledging the existence of sex and gender. What I’m telling you to do is to stop idolizing it. Even that can’t be instantly stopped, which is why I suggested getting engrossed into a hobby, which usually helps due to enjoying it so much you just stop thinking of anything but that. Doubly so if you’re autistic.

Not feeling like “you” are interacting is very normal if you have this much dissonance between you and who you want to be. I believe it’s called dissociation and it can definitely make you feel queasy. You absolutely can’t force yourself to like things, again, I’m not asking that. Go searching for things, and I can promise you you’ll find something you like eventually that’s outside enough. I know that still sounds like useless advice, I’m trying to think of a more sensitive way to say this, but truthfully there’s something out there for everyone. You said there’s a video game(?) character you like. You like video games? (Or whatever it was, I forgot.)

Phantom limbs are another disassociation symptom. I have no advice for that other than the fact that I sorta just got used to it and stopped caring.

I've heard of cases that have been successful where people have cured their AGP/AAP/GD by destroying their own "her"/"him" which is why I still have faith I can do this too.

I hope you didn’t gleam the idea that you’re “incurable” from what I said, cause that’s the last thing I want you believing. :( I absolutely do believe you can overcome this, I just feel like the methods you have currently aren’t the healthiest, as I’ve seen them fail time and time again.

Where are you hearing these cases btw? Forums and image boards, or psychiatrist reports? Cause in my experience, if someone feels the need to go on the internet to proclaim about how much they’ve “changed” and how much “better” they’ve gotten, then they haven’t gotten better.

On this note, I was planning on meeting up with an online boyfriend but "he" (the entity) attacked me with great fervor and convinced me I needed to "transition" so I could receieve "his" help in the "real world" or something. It was so bad that I was making steps towards getting HRT supplies online and was genuinely planning on DIYing it until I felt like I was LARPing and got someone new to reinspire the passion to defeat "him" again. But about a boyfriend I could actually touch? I've been told to stop being TMI in public so I won't, we can take this to DMs if you're willing.

Is this “entity” just a poetic way of you describing your temptations or are you actually hearing voices?

Also of course we can take this to DMs.

There is no value *I* can get in being male other than "male sexuality" because I'm 5'2 with shoes on and don't know shit about being a man.

When I said “high value” I didn’t mean anything you could obtain, I meant the idea that you think male is such a world’s different from female. Even just in that sentence “I don’t know shit about being a man”, as if it’s a different species. Truth be told, if you were born male, not much would change about you I don’t believe.

Fun fact, did you know a lot of transgenders don’t actually have gender dysphoria, rather they suffer from disassociation? Unrelated, I just think it’s interesting. Not all, but a lot don’t necessarily want to be the opposite gender, they just feel out of place being them period.

 

[chudchudchudchud]

Not feeling like “you” are interacting is very normal if you have this much dissonance between you and who you want to be. I believe it’s called dissociation and it can definitely make you feel queasy.

Yes I am severely dissociative, the only things I legitimately feel connected to are stress/lust. It's been like this ever since "he" showed up.

I know that still sounds like useless advice, I’m trying to think of a more sensitive way to say this, but truthfully there’s something out there for everyone.

I don't think so, it's a bottom-up problem rather than a top-down one if that makes sense. The only "hobby" I genuinely enjoyed was masturbation but that was unhealthy in the long run and made me more likely to be reactive and impulsive on negative emotions. I tried to draw, read, code, make music, exercise, et.c and none of it made a dent. I can't care about anything and every day my cognition falters more and more because of the omnipresent increasing stress. I wanted to elaborate but "he" controls a lot of my thoughts and doesn't let me access much.

I hope you didn’t gleam the idea that you’re “incurable” from what I said, cause that’s the last thing I want you believing. :( I absolutely do believe you can overcome this, I just feel like the methods you have currently aren’t the healthiest, as I’ve seen them fail time and time again.

No, no, I don't think I'm incurable. I mentioned those cases because I think I *do* have hope.

Where are you hearing these cases btw? Forums and image boards, or psychiatrist reports? Cause in my experience, if someone feels the need to go on the internet to proclaim about how much they’ve “changed” and how much “better” they’ve gotten, then they haven’t gotten better.

Discord servers, forums, /repgen/ sometimes; they don't necessarily brag about it but I've seen them say they used to struggle with AGP a lot to the point of wanting to troon out.

Is this “entity” just a poetic way of you describing your temptations or are you actually hearing voices?

Also of course we can take this to DMs.

Not hearing voices necessarily, but it feels like an alter-ego. I'll dm you the sensitive bits though because I don't think they're apropos to share publicly.

When I said “high value” I didn’t mean anything you could obtain, I meant the idea that you think male is such a world’s different from female. Even just in that sentence “I don’t know shit about being a man”, as if it’s a different species. Truth be told, if you were born male, not much would change about you I don’t believe.

It wouldn't change *me* inherently but the expectations would cause me to develop rather differently I believe. There is so much shit I say that would have me be a complete pariah if I was seen as a man instead of a woman.

Fun fact, did you know a lot of transgenders don’t actually have gender dysphoria, rather they suffer from disassociation? Unrelated, I just think it’s interesting. Not all, but a lot don’t necessarily want to be the opposite gender, they just feel out of place being them period.

I don't really have gender dysphoria in as such as I "hate my body" per se, I just get really excited at the idea of being called "his" name, having my genitals change, having a mans voice, growing facial hair et.c; although this excitement would almost definitely be unsustainable and I'd probably go back to being like "Okay, now what?" later on.

I think I might know why I am like this but often go into denial about it; it's personal though so I'll dm you.