Lolcow.org Simulation Thread AKA Cjocker Did A Fucky-Wucky

[fnaarf]

You'd prefer Kpop because the doll like faces of the overly botox'd, plastic AF singers reminds you of the dead bodies you cream your unclit to every night.

:/ sig was an edgelord but he was funnier than you

 

[Gamercat]

is it pronounced sla-nis or slay-nis?

SLAY-NIS SLAYYYYYYYY!​

 

[Mad Hatter]

:/ sig was an edgelord but he was funnier than you

No he wasn't. He was a boring faggot who has never said anything funny ever. The only joke SIG's ever made has been waking up in the morning.

 

[naught]

:/ sig was an edgelord but he was funnier than you

feel free to post copypasta if your heart begins to ache too deeply.

 

[Mad Hatter]

MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.

THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO OF?

 

[fnaarf]

Karl needs to admit he was doing the thomas sockpuppet because that was some creepy fucking shit that he deserves to be put in a mental hospital for the rest of his life over all by itself.

he's not going to admit to it because it wasn't him. if you learn to accept this one loss in your life it will start you on a greater journey of acceptance with your other unsurmountable losses later on

 

[Not enough minerals Not enough]

Fnarrf is here pitching a fit trying to get my attention because nobody irl wants anything to do with her. She's maladjusted and doesn't understand how to form positive relationships with anyone. She's creepy as fuck and has no sense of empathy at all, case in point thinking that an abusive cop at a child prison was epic and owning me for making fun of my concern. She's such a fucking loser that she had to spend time in a homeless shelter because she doesn't have friends or family to take her in. I don't blame them if she's even a fraction as psychopathic towards them as she has been towards me for not tolerating her bullshit.

Loss is part of being alive, fnarrf. Like how your father drank himself to death and left behind a schizo daughter who is pathologically obnoxious and shockingly callous because she was never socialized to behave like a human being by her creepy Jew cult parents.

Damn Ashley, you really hate autistic people.

 

[fnaarf]

Like how your father drank himself to death and left behind a schizo daughter who is pathologically obnoxious

thanks for confirming that I annoy you, that's the only validation I desire from you

Fnarrf is here pitching a fit trying to get my attention because nobody irl wants anything to do with her. She's maladjusted and doesn't understand how to form positive relationships with anyone. She's creepy as fuck and has no sense of empathy at all, case in point thinking that an abusive cop at a child prison was epic and owning me for making fun of my concern. She's such a fucking loser that she had to spend time in a homeless shelter because she doesn't have friends or family to take her in. I don't blame them if she's even a fraction as psychopathic towards them as she has been towards me for not tolerating her bullshit.

 

[Not enough minerals Not enough]

Complete and utter fucking freak. The reason I carry a handgun in my purse.

Do you think a gun is going to stop us?

You're gonna end up like those cats, you know what cats.

 

[Jane Doe 1]

View attachment 13854

In case the names are showing up in any of that disgusting crap

Ashley Hutsell Jankowski was never loved by her parents.

 

[Jane Doe 1]

I remember searching Karl's post history when he started collecting my information from government websites and being shocked at how he was relating stories about his young life. These are consistently horrific stories about abuse and humiliation of kids but they're presented with this tone deaf air of sadistic glee, like the audience is supposed to find them lighthearted and funny just like he does.

Share Your School Stories

This is a friend of a friend thing, but there was this East African immigrant kid in one of the classes who clearly hated school and thought the whole thing was stupid. Can't say I blame him. Anyway, apparently in one class he got really fed up with one of the old fat lady teachers and drew a...

kiwifarms.net

Share Your School Stories

I remember one sped kid who brought some stink bombs to school, the sort that come in bags that you shake up and then throw so they pop. He couldn't work out that he shouldn't keep setting them off right at his feet and just continue to stand there. He did this for, like, a week until he ran out...

kiwifarms.net

All of these are so fucking weird, especially the stuff about doing sadistic bullshit to his brother. He seems to have a fascination with tickle torturing people, he did it to his younger brother, he talks about following some usenet tickle pornographer I'd never heard of.

Raven Sparks / Diana Bradley

Apparently, she posted an almost 2-hour video overnight and then deleted it almost right away. Anyone get a look at it?

kiwifarms.net

Historical Lolcow General

D’Amato was very defensive about being straight. "I AM STRAIGHT MY TICKLE FETISH VIDEOS ARE STRAIGHT VIDEOS"

kiwifarms.net

Two "cows" he's been fixated on for years are Jon Sweet and Smurf in Hand, I think because he sees personal similarities in both those guys. Just alarm bells everywhere, if there's anyone on KF who's getting off on videos of baby monkeys getting tortured, it's him.

He also claims he has a dog but he's only just posted an approximation of the dog, which is fucking bizarre in itself. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/puppy-training.77541/#post-7522533

Ashley Hutsell Jankowski was never loved by her parents, reminder.

 

[SIGBUS]

I remember searching Karl's post history when he started collecting my information from government websites and being shocked at how he was relating stories about his young life. These are consistently horrific stories about abuse and humiliation of kids but they're presented with this tone deaf air of sadistic glee, like the audience is supposed to find them lighthearted and funny just like he does.

Share Your School Stories

This is a friend of a friend thing, but there was this East African immigrant kid in one of the classes who clearly hated school and thought the whole thing was stupid. Can't say I blame him. Anyway, apparently in one class he got really fed up with one of the old fat lady teachers and drew a...

kiwifarms.net

Share Your School Stories

I remember one sped kid who brought some stink bombs to school, the sort that come in bags that you shake up and then throw so they pop. He couldn't work out that he shouldn't keep setting them off right at his feet and just continue to stand there. He did this for, like, a week until he ran out...

kiwifarms.net

All of these are so fucking weird, especially the stuff about doing sadistic bullshit to his brother. He seems to have a fascination with tickle torturing people, he did it to his younger brother, he talks about following some usenet tickle pornographer I'd never heard of.

Raven Sparks / Diana Bradley

Apparently, she posted an almost 2-hour video overnight and then deleted it almost right away. Anyone get a look at it?

kiwifarms.net

Historical Lolcow General

D’Amato was very defensive about being straight. "I AM STRAIGHT MY TICKLE FETISH VIDEOS ARE STRAIGHT VIDEOS"

kiwifarms.net

Two "cows" he's been fixated on for years are Jon Sweet and Smurf in Hand, I think because he sees personal similarities in both those guys. Just alarm bells everywhere, if there's anyone on KF who's getting off on videos of baby monkeys getting tortured, it's him.

He also claims he has a dog but he's only just posted an approximation of the dog, which is fucking bizarre in itself. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/puppy-training.77541/#post-7522533

how does it feel possessing inferior genetics

 

[fnaarf]

https://www.facebook.com/karl.bridges.503 Doesn't seem to be his name but is probably his actual picture

Jesus fuck will you leave those poor dudes alone they were just goofing off on Zoom and now they're securely locked in your obsessive fantasies about Karl

Yeah it's really funny that someone psychopathic enough to make fucking baby crying noises at me over the phone was being paid to separate kids from their parents and stick them in freezing cold cells.

you do realize that the phone flunky has probably never even been inside a detainment center right. you calling up ICE and screaming at them has exactly the same helpful effect as me calling Tesla and screaming at them because Elon Musk is a loser

This pathetic busted ugly whore is literally trying to make fun of me for responding angrily to a comment that had 200 downvotes lmao.

yes, because it's funny

This is probably Karl's alt.

the typing styles are radically different lol

 

[brapplebees]

Nice posts Ashley, you've integrated pretty well in spite of all your posturing. You should maybe give up the ghost and have fun since you obviously love it here. Surely you can find some other people to alog besides Karl, though I suspect you may already be doing that

 

[naught]

https://www.facebook.com/karl.bridges.503 Doesn't seem to be his name but is probably his actual picture

im all for doxing pests, but this doesn't strike me as him.
also, in regards to the "parody" account of your husband it doesn't read like Karl more like one of his orbiters, that's one of the reasons I banned him to see if that account would appear.

Nice posts Ashley, you've integrated pretty well in spite of all your posturing. You should maybe give up the ghost and have fun since you obviously love it here. Surely you can find some other people to alog besides Karl, though I suspect you may already be doing that

she's an onion farms oldfag.

 

[Gamercat]

@Ash post anus

 

[naught]

The account that was impersonating my husband had an encyclopedic memory of stuff I'd posted, it remembered things about forums I posted on years ago and things that could only be learned by scouring reddit. It was also obsessed with the idea my husband is "gay" which is a Boomery psychosexual hangup Karl has. He also posted some voice recordings and he sounded old, not like a guy in his early 20s. He said the impression voice he was going for was supposed to be Daffy Duck, which is Boomer shit.

https://kiwifarms.net/members/rod-dangerous.31179/ I was thinking it might be this guy for a while because out of all of them in the group DM about me he's the weirdest, but he's always just been kind of passingly rude and less serious about it, he doesn't obsess about small details of my life like Karl always has. This guy seems too dim and too uninterested to do something like that for that sustained period of time. He seemed like he was saying mean stuff to get the quick thrill of my negative reaction, not with the intention to outright destroy me. The doppleganger account was uncanny though, it was expressing a fixated hatred. It was something a guy who'd stay up until 3 am ranting about how evil and disgusting and unfuckable I was and posting my picture and tearing down my appearance piece by piece would do, which Karl did several times on lolcow. It was shit a guy who routinely fantasizes about hurting women would do.

There's maybe 3 "orbiters" if you can call them that, and the others are just pathetic nerds who seem mad that I'm not nice to them. It's not a huge pool of people.

the reason im not certain is karls boasts seem to be a way to assert his badassness or dominance, whereas the parody account is more self-effacing. but who knows it could be like an alter ego thing.

 

[fnaarf]

Daffy Duck, which is Boomer shit.

didn't they just make a mighty ducks cartoon series based on daffy or did Twitter lie to me

Did he come back to the DM after I said he's Mad Hatter? Because it's him.

it's not him lol stop dragging completely unrelated people into your cinematic fanfic universe

 

[fnaarf]

I say this with the least amount of affection possible: If you ever somehow leave your mom's apartment and find the kind of guy you're obviously attracted to irl, you are either going to wind up dead or are eventually going to prison forever for being an accomplice to something unspeakably horrible.

ok. can you say something new though bc I feel like I've heard this one before and it's just as corny as the first time

 

[fnaarf]

. Let me theorize here, did your parents single out one of your siblings and abuse them, and praise you for helping out?

no

juxtaposed with your defensive screeching

please point out where I've been able to summon the energy to 'screech' at you in the last six months, preferably with caps