It isn't even necessarily asking for advice or help, I just want to bounce ideas off of people, really.
Soyteen Liker's Blog
- Thread starter chudchudchudchud
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I guess I could try to help. So what, you’re a woman who gets off to the idea of becoming a man? Or vice versa?
Yeah but it's been less pressing lately. To blogpost for real now though, today my mom took me to see an old psychologist again because I've been tremoring from anxiety but apparently the psychologist passed away from a heart attack in January. We got an appointment for a different one on 9/11 though. Around in an hour or so, my mom will ask her friend about finding me someone who could potentially deliver me from demonic influence. We're going to Costco right now.
How has your life been as a woman? Anything significantly traumatic happen? Are you even sure this desire is sexual?
It's been alright I think, context tells me that you want to know how I've felt about being a woman in my life. I started off indifferent to it really, I never related to the type of woman/ftm to think it's unfair or degrading or shitty or whatever. When I first got brainwashed online to think being trans was a viable option for me, I literally thought to myself "I like being a girl but I want to be a boy" It's quite hard to think of how it was back then because I was 13 about 7 years ago, but it felt pleasing and exciting to imagine myself become a transman and physically masculinizing myself.
I would say so, especially because I'm always dissociated but I don't think it's on the same lines of "Man = strong so I need to be a man to be safe" as I've heard before from some detransitioners. It's more like some wires got crossed and I subconsciously retconned my childhood self as a little boy. It's hard to explain but "he" feels like a separate entity that I feel a need to "re"connect to. I think I will talk about it again with a new psychologist on 9/11 because I've been getting internal tremors lately along with other stress and anxiety symptoms.
I'm trying to cut back on oversharing especially when nobody asked. You asked me though, so I think I can share a bit. When it was at it's worst, I was very addicted to pornography and wanted testosterone to make the addiction worse. But even besides that, "he" would feel like a comforting entity locked inside me. So it was indirectly sexual but romantic too. I've been free from pornography for about 6 months now and this along with trying to find a psychologist/therapist have reduced the transition urges down to basically nothing.
Related to my earlier post about my day though, the guy my mom called told us to get rid of the Buddha stuff around our house. I already told my mom about it a few months ago but she didn't listen to me nor my dad.
I was in a similar place as you, except I was a guy who wanted to be a woman.
The thing that helped was just changing my life patterns around, do something new. Get a job, work out, talk to people, go to events, interact with the community, or maybe just go to church.
Just change things up fren.
I got a new med called Nortryptaline and it's working well for my anxiety, even edited a story I had been working on an off since 2023
Dr. Nate
Baby Onion
Sounds like your using it to cope with being a bum
Nah I think it/"he" is a demonic influence that intentionally conflates itself with THESIS. THESIS is kinda hard to summarize but she's like, my genetic/core/childhood self that sealed herself away to make room for ANTITHESIS and now controls my internal/subconscious processes while ANTITHESIS... does the antithesis of that (controls external/conscious processes.)
I could go on and on but I think if I continue working on this, the prize will be greater than anything I can imagine right now
Dr. Nate
Baby Onion
This nigga is insane
So I wrote about 3.5k words or 9.5 pages in 14 pt font about the state of my psyche, particularly what the AAP/pooner entity is and wants to do with me. I think the more I bounce back ideas off of others and the more I understand, the more I can evade it taking over and eventually banish it for good.
I’ll have a glance if you can tell me whether or not it contains your brief stint in the quaint Austrian village as Maximina Knoppers
You really captured the Germanic tradition of “Son welcomes father back from the Sauna/Iraq” well here and I’d be interested to hear more about that period in your life, as many others are I’m sure
You really captured the Germanic tradition of “Son welcomes father back from the Sauna/Iraq” well here and I’d be interested to hear more about that period in your life, as many others are I’m sure
Itranshateblox
Registered Member
Hi everyone! I've been in Cuba for the past two weeks because my mom wanted me to see a shaman for my general mental health and headaches. We stayed at my families house and it was nice seeing them again. My aunt was especially glad to see me. My dad couldn't come though because he still doesn't have official citizenship and was afraid of being detained in Cuba.
But about the shaman, when I went to see him, the candle he used to draw some kind of diagram blew out 3 times and he said he was worried and couldn't operate on me physically because I had a malicious entity attached to me which could cause me to kill or do stuff involuntarily of which he had to do a ritual by bringing a pigeon that he would transfer my curse over to while praying and rubbing it over me. My mom said she felt a strong presence and the pigeon actually died at the end.
We got to see a lot of stuff around Havana like stray dogs and cats, trees, buildings, people, et.c. My mom had her back and left breast operated physically with the shaman's machete but I don't quite remember why.
After the pigeon ritual, the shaman gave me various herbal medicines to take (one was awful and had an awful aftertaste) and had me come back to operate on my left ovary because I had a hormonal disorder he detected due to a cyst on it. He cut into it with his machete and it hurt a lot but he got rid of the cyst that my mom pointed out, but I don't remember it too well because I got up too early which made me faint and scrape my knees.
He seemed to know what he was doing because there was very little blood loss. He also wanted to operate on the brain tumors he detected in me and he said that the reason they weren't detected on brain scans was because they weren't fully solid. He was afraid of operating me first because I needed to fortify myself with the herbal medicines that he prescribed to me for some days. He also gave me a talisman to wrap around my waist to ward off the entity although I'm not sure if the entity is the same as the AAP one because I would still get AAP attacks even with it on.
Curiously enough, another shaman near where I live also said I had brain tumors a few years ago but he schizo'd out about how Bill Gates was the antichrist before trying to scam us (he claimed amniotic fluid went into my skull when I was born and was trapped there but an OBGYN said that was impossible and that some expensive supplements from a beauty care website would supposedly get rid of it)
I got bitten a lot by mosquitos and ants even with the bug spray during the entire trip and I got a lot of red spots due to it. While walking around Havana, there was a stray dog that escaped his fencing and scared my mom so I had to get his owners to pick him up. Most dogs here were hairless but there were a few that were small and hairy called Pekingese dogs. We even saw a little puppy at someone's house.
The electricity would often go out for hours especially near the end of the trip. Eventually the shaman operated on my head and got rid of a tumor the size of a cotton ball according to my mom (I had my eyes closed) and thankfully I didn't faint again. It was the bigger one.
But the smaller one hurt similarly to my ovary because it was deeper into my head. There was more blood loss too and I would get sharp pains near the incision site a bit after.
We're now home safely, and I feel the same but the shaman said it would recover slowly. One of the plane attendants told me to stay with my mom because she thought I was underage, lol.
But about the shaman, when I went to see him, the candle he used to draw some kind of diagram blew out 3 times and he said he was worried and couldn't operate on me physically because I had a malicious entity attached to me which could cause me to kill or do stuff involuntarily of which he had to do a ritual by bringing a pigeon that he would transfer my curse over to while praying and rubbing it over me. My mom said she felt a strong presence and the pigeon actually died at the end.
We got to see a lot of stuff around Havana like stray dogs and cats, trees, buildings, people, et.c. My mom had her back and left breast operated physically with the shaman's machete but I don't quite remember why.
After the pigeon ritual, the shaman gave me various herbal medicines to take (one was awful and had an awful aftertaste) and had me come back to operate on my left ovary because I had a hormonal disorder he detected due to a cyst on it. He cut into it with his machete and it hurt a lot but he got rid of the cyst that my mom pointed out, but I don't remember it too well because I got up too early which made me faint and scrape my knees.
He seemed to know what he was doing because there was very little blood loss. He also wanted to operate on the brain tumors he detected in me and he said that the reason they weren't detected on brain scans was because they weren't fully solid. He was afraid of operating me first because I needed to fortify myself with the herbal medicines that he prescribed to me for some days. He also gave me a talisman to wrap around my waist to ward off the entity although I'm not sure if the entity is the same as the AAP one because I would still get AAP attacks even with it on.
Curiously enough, another shaman near where I live also said I had brain tumors a few years ago but he schizo'd out about how Bill Gates was the antichrist before trying to scam us (he claimed amniotic fluid went into my skull when I was born and was trapped there but an OBGYN said that was impossible and that some expensive supplements from a beauty care website would supposedly get rid of it)
I got bitten a lot by mosquitos and ants even with the bug spray during the entire trip and I got a lot of red spots due to it. While walking around Havana, there was a stray dog that escaped his fencing and scared my mom so I had to get his owners to pick him up. Most dogs here were hairless but there were a few that were small and hairy called Pekingese dogs. We even saw a little puppy at someone's house.
The electricity would often go out for hours especially near the end of the trip. Eventually the shaman operated on my head and got rid of a tumor the size of a cotton ball according to my mom (I had my eyes closed) and thankfully I didn't faint again. It was the bigger one.
But the smaller one hurt similarly to my ovary because it was deeper into my head. There was more blood loss too and I would get sharp pains near the incision site a bit after.
We're now home safely, and I feel the same but the shaman said it would recover slowly. One of the plane attendants told me to stay with my mom because she thought I was underage, lol.
The fact some dude operated on you with a machete is worrisome but him wanting to operate on your brain is way fucking worse.
Thoughts and prayers broskie. At this point its all that's left.
Yeah apparently the tumors weren't solid enough to be detected on brain scans.
Thanks, I hope I'll be alright.
Why do you need to go see some Cuban witch doctor or shaman?
Mom was getting desperate because I had agonizing headaches every day without fail and I was still rather agitated every day even with or without any of the psychiactric meds I take
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