Soyteen Liker's Blog

[chudchudchudchud]

This just feels like too much that’s way out of our pay grade, and everyone here’s more interested in trolling than helping you out honestly.

It isn't even necessarily asking for advice or help, I just want to bounce ideas off of people, really.

 

[Home]

It isn't even necessarily asking for advice or help, I just want to bounce ideas off of people, really.

I guess I could try to help. So what, you’re a woman who gets off to the idea of becoming a man? Or vice versa?

 

[chudchudchudchud]

I guess I could try to help. So what, you’re a woman who gets off to the idea of becoming a man? Or vice versa?

Yeah but it's been less pressing lately. To blogpost for real now though, today my mom took me to see an old psychologist again because I've been tremoring from anxiety but apparently the psychologist passed away from a heart attack in January. We got an appointment for a different one on 9/11 though. Around in an hour or so, my mom will ask her friend about finding me someone who could potentially deliver me from demonic influence. We're going to Costco right now.

 

[Home]

Yeah but it's been less pressing lately. To blogpost for real now though, today my mom took me to see an old psychologist again because I've been tremoring from anxiety but apparently the psychologist passed away from a heart attack in January. We got an appointment for a different one on 9/11 though. Around in an hour or so, my mom will ask her friend about finding me someone who could potentially deliver me from demonic influence. We're going to Costco right now.

How has your life been as a woman? Anything significantly traumatic happen? Are you even sure this desire is sexual?

 

[chudchudchudchud]

How has your life been as a woman?

It's been alright I think, context tells me that you want to know how I've felt about being a woman in my life. I started off indifferent to it really, I never related to the type of woman/ftm to think it's unfair or degrading or shitty or whatever. When I first got brainwashed online to think being trans was a viable option for me, I literally thought to myself "I like being a girl but I want to be a boy" It's quite hard to think of how it was back then because I was 13 about 7 years ago, but it felt pleasing and exciting to imagine myself become a transman and physically masculinizing myself.

Anything significantly traumatic happen?

I would say so, especially because I'm always dissociated but I don't think it's on the same lines of "Man = strong so I need to be a man to be safe" as I've heard before from some detransitioners. It's more like some wires got crossed and I subconsciously retconned my childhood self as a little boy. It's hard to explain but "he" feels like a separate entity that I feel a need to "re"connect to. I think I will talk about it again with a new psychologist on 9/11 because I've been getting internal tremors lately along with other stress and anxiety symptoms.

Are you even sure this desire is sexual?

I'm trying to cut back on oversharing especially when nobody asked. You asked me though, so I think I can share a bit. When it was at it's worst, I was very addicted to pornography and wanted testosterone to make the addiction worse. But even besides that, "he" would feel like a comforting entity locked inside me. So it was indirectly sexual but romantic too. I've been free from pornography for about 6 months now and this along with trying to find a psychologist/therapist have reduced the transition urges down to basically nothing.

Related to my earlier post about my day though, the guy my mom called told us to get rid of the Buddha stuff around our house. I already told my mom about it a few months ago but she didn't listen to me nor my dad.

 

[Frosty Fetus]

It's been alright I think, context tells me that you want to know how I've felt about being a woman in my life. I started off indifferent to it really, I never related to the type of woman/ftm to think it's unfair or degrading or shitty or whatever. When I first got brainwashed online to think being trans was a viable option for me, I literally thought to myself "I like being a girl but I want to be a boy" It's quite hard to think of how it was back then because I was 13 about 7 years ago, but it felt pleasing and exciting to imagine myself become a transman and physically masculinizing myself.

I would say so, especially because I'm always dissociated but I don't think it's on the same lines of "Man = strong so I need to be a man to be safe" as I've heard before from some detransitioners. It's more like some wires got crossed and I subconsciously retconned my childhood self as a little boy. It's hard to explain but "he" feels like a separate entity that I feel a need to "re"connect to. I think I will talk about it again with a new psychologist on 9/11 because I've been getting internal tremors lately along with other stress and anxiety symptoms.

I'm trying to cut back on oversharing especially when nobody asked. You asked me though, so I think I can share a bit. When it was at it's worst, I was very addicted to pornography and wanted testosterone to make the addiction worse. But even besides that, "he" would feel like a comforting entity locked inside me. So it was indirectly sexual but romantic too. I've been free from pornography for about 6 months now and this along with trying to find a psychologist/therapist have reduced the transition urges down to basically nothing.

Related to my earlier post about my day though, the guy my mom called told us to get rid of the Buddha stuff around our house. I already told my mom about it a few months ago but she didn't listen to me nor my dad.

I was in a similar place as you, except I was a guy who wanted to be a woman.

The thing that helped was just changing my life patterns around, do something new. Get a job, work out, talk to people, go to events, interact with the community, or maybe just go to church.

Just change things up fren.

 

[chudchudchudchud]

I got a new med called Nortryptaline and it's working well for my anxiety, even edited a story I had been working on an off since 2023

 

[Dr. Nate]

It's been alright I think, context tells me that you want to know how I've felt about being a woman in my life. I started off indifferent to it really, I never related to the type of woman/ftm to think it's unfair or degrading or shitty or whatever. When I first got brainwashed online to think being trans was a viable option for me, I literally thought to myself "I like being a girl but I want to be a boy" It's quite hard to think of how it was back then because I was 13 about 7 years ago, but it felt pleasing and exciting to imagine myself become a transman and physically masculinizing myself.

I would say so, especially because I'm always dissociated but I don't think it's on the same lines of "Man = strong so I need to be a man to be safe" as I've heard before from some detransitioners. It's more like some wires got crossed and I subconsciously retconned my childhood self as a little boy. It's hard to explain but "he" feels like a separate entity that I feel a need to "re"connect to. I think I will talk about it again with a new psychologist on 9/11 because I've been getting internal tremors lately along with other stress and anxiety symptoms.

I'm trying to cut back on oversharing especially when nobody asked. You asked me though, so I think I can share a bit. When it was at it's worst, I was very addicted to pornography and wanted testosterone to make the addiction worse. But even besides that, "he" would feel like a comforting entity locked inside me. So it was indirectly sexual but romantic too. I've been free from pornography for about 6 months now and this along with trying to find a psychologist/therapist have reduced the transition urges down to basically nothing.

Related to my earlier post about my day though, the guy my mom called told us to get rid of the Buddha stuff around our house. I already told my mom about it a few months ago but she didn't listen to me nor my dad.

Sounds like your using it to cope with being a bum

 

[chudchudchudchud]

Sounds like your using it to cope with being a bum

Nah I think it/"he" is a demonic influence that intentionally conflates itself with THESIS. THESIS is kinda hard to summarize but she's like, my genetic/core/childhood self that sealed herself away to make room for ANTITHESIS and now controls my internal/subconscious processes while ANTITHESIS... does the antithesis of that (controls external/conscious processes.)

I could go on and on but I think if I continue working on this, the prize will be greater than anything I can imagine right now

 

[Dr. Nate]

Nah I think it/"he" is a demonic influence that intentionally conflates itself with THESIS. THESIS is kinda hard to summarize but she's like, my genetic/core/childhood self that sealed herself away to make room for ANTITHESIS and now controls my internal/subconscious processes while ANTITHESIS... does the antithesis of that (controls external/conscious processes.)

I could go on and on but I think if I continue working on this, the prize will be greater than anything I can imagine right now

This nigga is insane

 

[chudchudchudchud]

So I wrote about 3.5k words or 9.5 pages in 14 pt font about the state of my psyche, particularly what the AAP/pooner entity is and wants to do with me. I think the more I bounce back ideas off of others and the more I understand, the more I can evade it taking over and eventually banish it for good.

 

[VVV]

I’ll have a glance if you can tell me whether or not it contains your brief stint in the quaint Austrian village as Maximina Knoppers

You really captured the Germanic tradition of “Son welcomes father back from the Sauna/Iraq” well here and I’d be interested to hear more about that period in your life, as many others are I’m sure

 

[chudchudchudchud]

I’ll have a glance if you can tell me whether or not it contains your brief stint in the quaint Austrian village as Maximina Knoppers
View attachment 100801
You really captured the Germanic tradition of “Son welcomes father back from the Sauna/Iraq” well here and I’d be interested to hear more about that period in your life, as many others are I’m sure

 

[VVV]

No?
I ain’t reading all that then

 

[Itranshateblox]