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ANNE HATHAWAY FAN
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Sorry I started this one late, and so far it's been pretty good.
Randy Orton vs Drew McIntyre
This is actually a pretty decent match, both guys came out to some good crowd reaction. Randy Orton had jelly roll with him and Drew McIntyre had Logan Paul with him, which I felt was kind of unnecessary.
I kind of tuned in at the end of this and wasn't really paying attention but Randy Orton won, and afterwards Drew McIntyre gave a claymore to jelly roll which was pretty fucking hilarious.
Okay, I'm reviewing live now so here we go:
Tomorrow's PPV teasers
They teased the main event tomorrow and showed Iyo in the crowd
(Feelin cute, might stomp out and Australian Marilyn Manson looking bitch later)
They cut to Jade Cargill in the crows and Naomi snuck up from behind and started beating the shit out of her. Legitimately hilarious. It went on for a good 5 minutes, and the Raw GM came out and announced that Bianca Bel-Air will be the special guest referee. That's pretty cool, we haven't seen her since WrestleMania 41.
(Niggermania!)
Cutting to a package of The Goldberg match that's coming on later. Surprisingly there hasn't been a lot of commercials tonight, which only highlights more how bad it is on Netflix.
Jimmy Uso coming out now, bro is definitely cycling out on gear. He's got a belly and is trying to hide that shit with weird pleather shirts. We are now in what I believe is the first commercial break of the show, 35 minutes in. If this was on Netflix we'd be on our fourth one by now.
Jimmy Uso vs Solo Sikoa for the US title
Match starts with Solo just talking shit. Okay fellas we're back from commercial you can start fighting. Jimmy hitting some good chops but gets elbowed. Shit cans solo out of the ring then suicide dives on him. Jimmy jumps from the top rope but solo turns it into a rock bottom. One count. Man they are really fucking laying it in. Shenanigans on the outside from Solo's crew. I love how blind this referee is.
Commercial break. It's been 10 minutes. See, I said something about how appreciative I was of less commercials and now I jinxed it.
Fighting on the apron and solo slammed Jimmy into the ring post. Sounded gnarly as fuck. Jimmy hit a muffed up looking German suplex. Jimmy to the top with the cross body for a 2. Jimmy did that move that all the Samoans are doing where they run from one corner to the other and just smash their ass into their opponent's head. It actually seems like a really smart move to perform on somebody if you were fighting for real in a wrestling ring. Solo counters the spear with a need of the chin and hits a belly to back suplex. Messes with the Samoan spike and Jimmy answers with two superkicks in a row. Jimmy goes to the top but Solo rolls out to his boys. Oh look they're all standing there group together on the outside I wonder what's going to.... Spinning moonsault on all the dudes. Rule of thumb if you ever see a bunch of dudes clumped together on the outside, someone is going to jump on them from a great height. It's like Chekhov's top rope spot. Chicanery from solos boys help some clench the victory. He is still the champ and now 4 guys are jumping Jimmy.
Jacob Fatu music hits and everyone explodes. For such a large guy he is really agile. Tala Tonga gets in the ring and Jacob doesn't care. Beats his 7 foot tall ass, suicide dives on everybody to the outside and jumps back in the ring and starts tarding out for the crowd. It's awesome.
(Jacob Fatu, not giving a fuck how tall someone is before he knocks them out)
Commercial break but that's a given because the match ended. 3 commercial breaks in an hour... I can live with that, that's fair.
Jelly roll getting apologized to by Randy Orton. Lame ass backstage interview. Why the hell is this jelly roll guy even here. Oh my God... Jelly roll is going to be in a match at SummerSlam? Fuck this company.
Seth Rollins vs LA Knight (YEEEEEEEAAAAA)
Seth Rollins comes out to everyone hyped up to his music. They try so hard to make him a bad guy, but when you literally dress and act and laugh like Waluigi there's nothing you could do to make the crowd hate you.
LA Knight comes out and the crowd loses their shit. They really need to put a belt on him while he's still hot. He's been over as hell with the crowd for years and they've never had him win a belt yet.
(Rollins and Knight square off)
Dropping into the action. Trading some hard hits but LA Knight gets the upper hand. Takes Rollins to the outside and slams his head over and over again into the announce table. The crowd is chanting LA Knight and Seth gets up and tries to quiet them down lol. Seth misses the curb stomp and Knight gets a jumping neck breaker into a plant DDT then an elbow from the top for a 2. They have a gigantic advertisement for the new naked gun movie in the middle of the ring. Way to whore yourself out, WWE. Rollins hits a nasty buckle bomb but can't follow up with it. The buckle bomb really should be a finisher and not just a move. I remember when the Canadian destroyer was like that too, it used to be the end of a match now it's just another move.
Rollins fucked up his knee but they aren't cutting to commercial so I'm pretty sure its a work. Yeah it was a work, as soon as Rollins got up LA Knight hit the BFT for the 3 count. He might have just told the doctor he could finish the match and took that BFT to end it. I'm not sure if this is legit or not.
Obvious commercial break before the main event
Goldberg vs Gunther for the WHC title
Okay there's no way that this fucking match is going for 30 minutes. I'm thinking that Seth might have been faking it so he can cash in on whoever wins this match.
I have to admit even though he's like 60, Goldberg's entrance to the ring is still fucking badass. Whoa, I think he had the dude from Oz with him that played Chucky Pancamo lol.
(I'm like 99% sure the guy on the very left is from Oz)
Oh man, they are REEEEEALLY stretching out the introductions on this match lol. Ok, so 20 minutes of show left and I still don't believe that Goldberg can go that long. Here's hoping he can prove me wrong.
The bell rings and Goldberg is milking the crowd. I'm pretty sure they're going to go with another commercial break and figure out a way to whittle this thing down to a 10 minute long match at best. All Goldberg has done so far is come out to the ring and push Gunther down once and he's gassed and covered in sweat. He's barely moving and Gunther is selling his little shoulder tackles like death. Gunther hits a HARD chop that Goldberg no sells. Hard clothesline from Goldberg and punching Gunther in the corner. I have no idea why a man half his age is selling for him so hard. This has been a complete one-sided fight so far and it's nonsensical. Goldberg tries for a spear but Gunther rolls out of the ring. Fighting on the outside and Goldberg's chest is turning so red from Gunther's crazy chops that you can see all his grey chest hair. Goldberg tried to hit a spear on the outside and went through the barricade and it was pretty funny.
Here's that commercial break I was telling everybody about. Yeah they're going to run the clock out as best they can for this shit show.
Back from commercials and they are trading hits. I'm really not seeing a lot of cardio moves here, just a lot of standing still at each other and trading some slaps. Goldberg hit a decent looking body drop but now he's selling his knee like he has an injury. That's in poor taste if Seth Rollins injury is legit lol. Why would you follow a real knee injury with a kayfabe one? Goldberg goes in for an Irish whip and obviously communicates to Gunther. Back body drop and he goes for the spear but accidentally hits the referee. Fucking awesome, I love when the refs get taken out. Gunther working the knee and tearing the knee brace off of Goldberg. Hitting Goldberg supposedly hurt knee and hitting him in general with some of the weakest shots I've ever seen with a little knee brace. Goes to the outside and is hamming it up for the crowd and gets in Goldbergs familys face. Gunther fucking slapped his son and they actually had to blur it out because I think he's underage lol. Fucking Gunther just slapped a kid on network television hahahaha. Goldberg hits an extremely weak spear and a jackhammer. A new ref comes in and Gunther (thank God) kicks out at 2. Gunther locks the sleeper in and Goldberg is trying to fight it. Thank God he can't. Gunther retains the title. And all is right with the world.
("Fuck you, old man!" - Gunther)
Hahaha, the cherry on top of the Sundae? Right as Goldberg started to get his farewell speech, NBC cut to the next show. That's perfect.
Pros:
Way less commercials than on Netflix
Matches had good outcomes
I got to see jelly roll get kicked hard in the face tonight
Gunther slapping a teenage boy in the face on live network television and them having to blur it out
NBC cutting off Goldberg's farewell speech to play their next show
Cons:
Jelly roll should never be allowed near a wrestling ring nor a microphone ever again
Literally 5 seconds of Iyo Sky is CRIMINAL
Seth May have gotten legitimately hurt
The match between Goldberg and Gunther should not have been as competitive as it was. Having someone that old and who doesn't wrestle anymore almost beat the world heavyweight champion makes Gunther look weak and buries him
Overall Grade: A-
Randy Orton vs Drew McIntyre
This is actually a pretty decent match, both guys came out to some good crowd reaction. Randy Orton had jelly roll with him and Drew McIntyre had Logan Paul with him, which I felt was kind of unnecessary.
I kind of tuned in at the end of this and wasn't really paying attention but Randy Orton won, and afterwards Drew McIntyre gave a claymore to jelly roll which was pretty fucking hilarious.
Okay, I'm reviewing live now so here we go:
Tomorrow's PPV teasers
They teased the main event tomorrow and showed Iyo in the crowd
(Feelin cute, might stomp out and Australian Marilyn Manson looking bitch later)
They cut to Jade Cargill in the crows and Naomi snuck up from behind and started beating the shit out of her. Legitimately hilarious. It went on for a good 5 minutes, and the Raw GM came out and announced that Bianca Bel-Air will be the special guest referee. That's pretty cool, we haven't seen her since WrestleMania 41.
(Niggermania!)
Cutting to a package of The Goldberg match that's coming on later. Surprisingly there hasn't been a lot of commercials tonight, which only highlights more how bad it is on Netflix.
Jimmy Uso coming out now, bro is definitely cycling out on gear. He's got a belly and is trying to hide that shit with weird pleather shirts. We are now in what I believe is the first commercial break of the show, 35 minutes in. If this was on Netflix we'd be on our fourth one by now.
Jimmy Uso vs Solo Sikoa for the US title
Match starts with Solo just talking shit. Okay fellas we're back from commercial you can start fighting. Jimmy hitting some good chops but gets elbowed. Shit cans solo out of the ring then suicide dives on him. Jimmy jumps from the top rope but solo turns it into a rock bottom. One count. Man they are really fucking laying it in. Shenanigans on the outside from Solo's crew. I love how blind this referee is.
Commercial break. It's been 10 minutes. See, I said something about how appreciative I was of less commercials and now I jinxed it.
Fighting on the apron and solo slammed Jimmy into the ring post. Sounded gnarly as fuck. Jimmy hit a muffed up looking German suplex. Jimmy to the top with the cross body for a 2. Jimmy did that move that all the Samoans are doing where they run from one corner to the other and just smash their ass into their opponent's head. It actually seems like a really smart move to perform on somebody if you were fighting for real in a wrestling ring. Solo counters the spear with a need of the chin and hits a belly to back suplex. Messes with the Samoan spike and Jimmy answers with two superkicks in a row. Jimmy goes to the top but Solo rolls out to his boys. Oh look they're all standing there group together on the outside I wonder what's going to.... Spinning moonsault on all the dudes. Rule of thumb if you ever see a bunch of dudes clumped together on the outside, someone is going to jump on them from a great height. It's like Chekhov's top rope spot. Chicanery from solos boys help some clench the victory. He is still the champ and now 4 guys are jumping Jimmy.
Jacob Fatu music hits and everyone explodes. For such a large guy he is really agile. Tala Tonga gets in the ring and Jacob doesn't care. Beats his 7 foot tall ass, suicide dives on everybody to the outside and jumps back in the ring and starts tarding out for the crowd. It's awesome.
(Jacob Fatu, not giving a fuck how tall someone is before he knocks them out)
Commercial break but that's a given because the match ended. 3 commercial breaks in an hour... I can live with that, that's fair.
Jelly roll getting apologized to by Randy Orton. Lame ass backstage interview. Why the hell is this jelly roll guy even here. Oh my God... Jelly roll is going to be in a match at SummerSlam? Fuck this company.
Seth Rollins vs LA Knight (YEEEEEEEAAAAA)
Seth Rollins comes out to everyone hyped up to his music. They try so hard to make him a bad guy, but when you literally dress and act and laugh like Waluigi there's nothing you could do to make the crowd hate you.
LA Knight comes out and the crowd loses their shit. They really need to put a belt on him while he's still hot. He's been over as hell with the crowd for years and they've never had him win a belt yet.
(Rollins and Knight square off)
Dropping into the action. Trading some hard hits but LA Knight gets the upper hand. Takes Rollins to the outside and slams his head over and over again into the announce table. The crowd is chanting LA Knight and Seth gets up and tries to quiet them down lol. Seth misses the curb stomp and Knight gets a jumping neck breaker into a plant DDT then an elbow from the top for a 2. They have a gigantic advertisement for the new naked gun movie in the middle of the ring. Way to whore yourself out, WWE. Rollins hits a nasty buckle bomb but can't follow up with it. The buckle bomb really should be a finisher and not just a move. I remember when the Canadian destroyer was like that too, it used to be the end of a match now it's just another move.
Rollins fucked up his knee but they aren't cutting to commercial so I'm pretty sure its a work. Yeah it was a work, as soon as Rollins got up LA Knight hit the BFT for the 3 count. He might have just told the doctor he could finish the match and took that BFT to end it. I'm not sure if this is legit or not.
Obvious commercial break before the main event
Goldberg vs Gunther for the WHC title
Okay there's no way that this fucking match is going for 30 minutes. I'm thinking that Seth might have been faking it so he can cash in on whoever wins this match.
I have to admit even though he's like 60, Goldberg's entrance to the ring is still fucking badass. Whoa, I think he had the dude from Oz with him that played Chucky Pancamo lol.
(I'm like 99% sure the guy on the very left is from Oz)
Oh man, they are REEEEEALLY stretching out the introductions on this match lol. Ok, so 20 minutes of show left and I still don't believe that Goldberg can go that long. Here's hoping he can prove me wrong.
The bell rings and Goldberg is milking the crowd. I'm pretty sure they're going to go with another commercial break and figure out a way to whittle this thing down to a 10 minute long match at best. All Goldberg has done so far is come out to the ring and push Gunther down once and he's gassed and covered in sweat. He's barely moving and Gunther is selling his little shoulder tackles like death. Gunther hits a HARD chop that Goldberg no sells. Hard clothesline from Goldberg and punching Gunther in the corner. I have no idea why a man half his age is selling for him so hard. This has been a complete one-sided fight so far and it's nonsensical. Goldberg tries for a spear but Gunther rolls out of the ring. Fighting on the outside and Goldberg's chest is turning so red from Gunther's crazy chops that you can see all his grey chest hair. Goldberg tried to hit a spear on the outside and went through the barricade and it was pretty funny.
Here's that commercial break I was telling everybody about. Yeah they're going to run the clock out as best they can for this shit show.
Back from commercials and they are trading hits. I'm really not seeing a lot of cardio moves here, just a lot of standing still at each other and trading some slaps. Goldberg hit a decent looking body drop but now he's selling his knee like he has an injury. That's in poor taste if Seth Rollins injury is legit lol. Why would you follow a real knee injury with a kayfabe one? Goldberg goes in for an Irish whip and obviously communicates to Gunther. Back body drop and he goes for the spear but accidentally hits the referee. Fucking awesome, I love when the refs get taken out. Gunther working the knee and tearing the knee brace off of Goldberg. Hitting Goldberg supposedly hurt knee and hitting him in general with some of the weakest shots I've ever seen with a little knee brace. Goes to the outside and is hamming it up for the crowd and gets in Goldbergs familys face. Gunther fucking slapped his son and they actually had to blur it out because I think he's underage lol. Fucking Gunther just slapped a kid on network television hahahaha. Goldberg hits an extremely weak spear and a jackhammer. A new ref comes in and Gunther (thank God) kicks out at 2. Gunther locks the sleeper in and Goldberg is trying to fight it. Thank God he can't. Gunther retains the title. And all is right with the world.
("Fuck you, old man!" - Gunther)
Hahaha, the cherry on top of the Sundae? Right as Goldberg started to get his farewell speech, NBC cut to the next show. That's perfect.
Pros:
Way less commercials than on Netflix
Matches had good outcomes
I got to see jelly roll get kicked hard in the face tonight
Gunther slapping a teenage boy in the face on live network television and them having to blur it out
NBC cutting off Goldberg's farewell speech to play their next show
Cons:
Jelly roll should never be allowed near a wrestling ring nor a microphone ever again
Literally 5 seconds of Iyo Sky is CRIMINAL
Seth May have gotten legitimately hurt
The match between Goldberg and Gunther should not have been as competitive as it was. Having someone that old and who doesn't wrestle anymore almost beat the world heavyweight champion makes Gunther look weak and buries him
Overall Grade: A-
