I'm not going to get into the previous discussion simply because I just don't care enough and have nothing against anyone really for the most part and don't want this thread turning into a place to gossip about situations that are done and over with now, I feel like it won't really bring anything to the table because while I wanted to be friends with Kiwi I never actually knew Kiwi that well and don't really have much to say about everything that went down besides how sudden it all was when I thought we were all doing just fine, so really if anything everything that took place involving Kiwi just settled to confuse and upset me - but it's not really worth keeping the subject going considering he's not around anymore. I'm bothered by the things that occurred of course but I just feel like airing out the dirty laundry when everything has already been said and done won't progress anyone any further. This probably comes from a place inside myself where I just don't care in general to have any issues with anyone because I've always been a pretty neutral person in the grand scheme of things and don't want to have issues with anyone.
The other day I wanted to do a vlog - but I've just been mentally drained and haven't wanted to do shit, maybe I'm just burnt out in general with life but I've constantly been dealing with one thing after the next and will always fall short on the things that I actually want to do that would probably make me feel some level of meaning. Thinking about it though - my camera on my phone isn't the best for things like vlogs, so maybe if I bought myself a proper vlogging camera it could serve some purpose and give me something to work towards with daily content of my life, even if nobody actually gives a fuck I find something aesthetically pleasing about cute daily vlog videos.
I don't know why I did it, but I tried to reach out to Kaine again to see if him and I could talk about things but he basically made it clear that he won't talk to me unless I send him nudes, something he feels like I owe him so there's really not much more there to be discussed, I don't even know why he's watched over me since we were both kids when he only wants one thing from me and could quite literally get it from anywhere - there's plenty of other women who present themselves the way I do and would be willing to put out, so why me? There was more I wanted to milk out of him, but honestly it's just depressing because of how much of a sex pest he would make himself out to be. I guess last night I was reminiscing about Kaine because there's times where the dude can actually be a chill person to talk to about video-games and other topics but then he devalues himself by being a lustful retard with no thoughts other than wanting to stick his dick into something with a pulse.
