nobodyworthwhile
Remarkable Onion
I was having trouble sleeping and wound up reading some TV Tropes articles until my eyes drooped, and it just occured to me "hey, you could probably assemble a thing like this, but for common features of Kiwifarms users." Maybe an actual Kiwi will read this and finally gain some enlightenment, as well (we can only hope).
Here's the ones I came up with, feel free to add your own:
Coom/Coomer/Coombait
Kiwis have a strange attitude about women, especially fictional women. They will on one hand criticize woke storytelling for making women ugly, but if the woman is ever good-looking then they're "coombait."
Much like Frank Miller, Kiwis can't seem to think about a woman without also thinking about sex, leading to them making bizarre leaps of logic when assessing the intents of writers and artists--in particular they will always assume a female character (who isn't ugly) is meant to be some flavor of "coombait" for a portion of the audience, ignoring any far more realistic possibilities that might present themselves.
Pictured: Some Kiwi somewhere is probably accusing the pink one of being "coombait" right now.
Unsurprisingly, there's more than a fair share of projection going on. Many of the things Kiwis find "sexual" are things you could only think that way about if you're one of the people getting off on it.
Consoomer
When used by a Kiwi, basically means you ever spend money on anything you don't strictly need.
The proper usage is supposed to be against people who obsessively collect and indulge in meaningless pop-cultural ephemera, but in practice Kiwis will see a guy who has a Dragonball Z shirt and assume he's an obsessive collector, when the real story could easily be that the shirt was a hand-me-down, a gift from an out-of-touch relative, or any number of things that don't necessarily indicate being a fan or collector.
Jew Conspiracy
A great many Kiwis unironically believe the "Jews secretly rule the world" conspiracy theory that has persisted for decades. As a corallory to this, Kiwis will glaze Hitler while also denying the Holocaust. It's hilarious to think that if Kiwis ever got a chance to talk to their idol, the conversation would go something like this:
"But you didn't really kill that many, right?"
"I killed millions, and I'm proud of it!"
Kiwi Blindspot
This refers to when Kiwis' self-awareness fails them. This could honestly be its own little listicle, as Kiwis are honestly not good at the whole "self-awareness" thing.
Probably the most obvious "Kiwi Blindspot" is how they look down upon every other interest or hobby in existence, and yet the hobby Kiwi Farms revolves around (obsessively following and documenting "lolcows") would, according to most who touch grass, be far weirder and more extreme than most of the things they look down on. Kiwis are the prime example of people in glass houses, throwing stones.
Meaningless Term
Kiwis have a bad habit of overusing certains words and phrases to the point that they mean absolutely nothing. Particular note goes to "autism," "nigger," and "faggot," and their derivatives--Kiwis use these to describe pretty much everyone and everything. When everyone is an autist, then no one is.
Sargon Hypocrisy
This refers to how Kiwis will expect you to read their own doorstopper posts, but when anyone else's post is longer than a few sentences they will bitch and moan about the length. Similar to how youtuber Sargon of Akkad infamously once cried out "Can't you people ever keep things below five minutes?" when he himself is no stranger to making videos that are hours long.
"This Will Make You Troon Out!"
In Kiwi-style moralfagging, basically any hobby or entertainment they don't approve of, they will associate with transsexuals. It doesn't matter if there's any actual notable overlap between the thing in question and transsexualism, often the logic is nothing more than "I hate this thing, and I hate trans people, therefore this thing makes you trans." In essence Kiwis use "Troon" the same way radical leftists use "Nazi."
One of the problems of course, is that Kiwis hate just about any passtime or hobby other than making fun of lolcows. So this falls into the trap of being completely meaningless because there's absolutely nothing that won't make you troon out.
TL;DR
"Too Long; Didn't Read" essentially a summary of a post. Kiwis will demand one, even for posts that aren't that long. I seriously once saw someone bitching about a post that was only two paragraphs, barely longer than a Dr. Seuss book. One wonders how these people got through first grade.
Troon
Slur for a transsexual person. At least, that's what it's supposed to mean.
On Kiwi Farms, usage is a little strange because in Kiwi Culture, the "troon" is the absolute symbol of evil, both a representative and a perpetrator of everything wrong with the modern world. Kiwis seem to absolutely live in fear of "trooning out" to the point where they obsessively document what media they consider "troon slop," with criteria such as "the white girl wears pink, is white, and has blue hair, which means she's the colors of the trans pride flag."
At the same time though, "troon" is yet another word that Kiwis have a tourette's-like tendency to have to inject into literally every post and accuse everything and everyone of being. If not for their weird-ass hang-ups around it, "Troon" would be just another term that Kiwis have abused to the point where it means nothing. As I said earlier, "Troon" is for Kiwis what "Nazi" is for a radical leftist--something they seem to genuinely think is a real problem and yet define too broadly to be meaningful.
Troon Conspiracy
Kiwis are obsessed with transsexuals to the point of unironically believing that trans people run the world and are the driving force behind literally everything that happens.... when they're not blaming the Jews instead (most often though, they will say that the Jews engineered trans people for.... profit, I guess? Like most conspiracy theories, it makes less sense than the fanfiction you wrote when you were five).
Woke
In common vernacular, "wokeness" is associated with things like DEI or the obsessive pushing of "progressive" ideologies.
In Kiwi vernacular, "woke" just means you don't spend your entire life obsessing over "troons."
Here's the ones I came up with, feel free to add your own:
Coom/Coomer/Coombait
Kiwis have a strange attitude about women, especially fictional women. They will on one hand criticize woke storytelling for making women ugly, but if the woman is ever good-looking then they're "coombait."
Much like Frank Miller, Kiwis can't seem to think about a woman without also thinking about sex, leading to them making bizarre leaps of logic when assessing the intents of writers and artists--in particular they will always assume a female character (who isn't ugly) is meant to be some flavor of "coombait" for a portion of the audience, ignoring any far more realistic possibilities that might present themselves.
Pictured: Some Kiwi somewhere is probably accusing the pink one of being "coombait" right now.
Unsurprisingly, there's more than a fair share of projection going on. Many of the things Kiwis find "sexual" are things you could only think that way about if you're one of the people getting off on it.
Consoomer
When used by a Kiwi, basically means you ever spend money on anything you don't strictly need.
The proper usage is supposed to be against people who obsessively collect and indulge in meaningless pop-cultural ephemera, but in practice Kiwis will see a guy who has a Dragonball Z shirt and assume he's an obsessive collector, when the real story could easily be that the shirt was a hand-me-down, a gift from an out-of-touch relative, or any number of things that don't necessarily indicate being a fan or collector.
Jew Conspiracy
A great many Kiwis unironically believe the "Jews secretly rule the world" conspiracy theory that has persisted for decades. As a corallory to this, Kiwis will glaze Hitler while also denying the Holocaust. It's hilarious to think that if Kiwis ever got a chance to talk to their idol, the conversation would go something like this:
"But you didn't really kill that many, right?"
"I killed millions, and I'm proud of it!"
Kiwi Blindspot
This refers to when Kiwis' self-awareness fails them. This could honestly be its own little listicle, as Kiwis are honestly not good at the whole "self-awareness" thing.
Probably the most obvious "Kiwi Blindspot" is how they look down upon every other interest or hobby in existence, and yet the hobby Kiwi Farms revolves around (obsessively following and documenting "lolcows") would, according to most who touch grass, be far weirder and more extreme than most of the things they look down on. Kiwis are the prime example of people in glass houses, throwing stones.
Meaningless Term
Kiwis have a bad habit of overusing certains words and phrases to the point that they mean absolutely nothing. Particular note goes to "autism," "nigger," and "faggot," and their derivatives--Kiwis use these to describe pretty much everyone and everything. When everyone is an autist, then no one is.
Sargon Hypocrisy
This refers to how Kiwis will expect you to read their own doorstopper posts, but when anyone else's post is longer than a few sentences they will bitch and moan about the length. Similar to how youtuber Sargon of Akkad infamously once cried out "Can't you people ever keep things below five minutes?" when he himself is no stranger to making videos that are hours long.
"This Will Make You Troon Out!"
In Kiwi-style moralfagging, basically any hobby or entertainment they don't approve of, they will associate with transsexuals. It doesn't matter if there's any actual notable overlap between the thing in question and transsexualism, often the logic is nothing more than "I hate this thing, and I hate trans people, therefore this thing makes you trans." In essence Kiwis use "Troon" the same way radical leftists use "Nazi."
One of the problems of course, is that Kiwis hate just about any passtime or hobby other than making fun of lolcows. So this falls into the trap of being completely meaningless because there's absolutely nothing that won't make you troon out.
TL;DR
"Too Long; Didn't Read" essentially a summary of a post. Kiwis will demand one, even for posts that aren't that long. I seriously once saw someone bitching about a post that was only two paragraphs, barely longer than a Dr. Seuss book. One wonders how these people got through first grade.
Troon
Slur for a transsexual person. At least, that's what it's supposed to mean.
On Kiwi Farms, usage is a little strange because in Kiwi Culture, the "troon" is the absolute symbol of evil, both a representative and a perpetrator of everything wrong with the modern world. Kiwis seem to absolutely live in fear of "trooning out" to the point where they obsessively document what media they consider "troon slop," with criteria such as "the white girl wears pink, is white, and has blue hair, which means she's the colors of the trans pride flag."
At the same time though, "troon" is yet another word that Kiwis have a tourette's-like tendency to have to inject into literally every post and accuse everything and everyone of being. If not for their weird-ass hang-ups around it, "Troon" would be just another term that Kiwis have abused to the point where it means nothing. As I said earlier, "Troon" is for Kiwis what "Nazi" is for a radical leftist--something they seem to genuinely think is a real problem and yet define too broadly to be meaningful.
Troon Conspiracy
Kiwis are obsessed with transsexuals to the point of unironically believing that trans people run the world and are the driving force behind literally everything that happens.... when they're not blaming the Jews instead (most often though, they will say that the Jews engineered trans people for.... profit, I guess? Like most conspiracy theories, it makes less sense than the fanfiction you wrote when you were five).
Woke
In common vernacular, "wokeness" is associated with things like DEI or the obsessive pushing of "progressive" ideologies.
In Kiwi vernacular, "woke" just means you don't spend your entire life obsessing over "troons."
