I'm almost certain that there's still people who hate watch this thread because they don't like me for some reason or another - I always feel digital paranoia and that people from my past are still around because they never really change and project these things onto me, and sometimes there's new people who just use me as a sort of toy for self entertainment. I don't really use social media anymore and just stick to forum sites since they've been pleasant, and the thing is I have no issues with anybody and have said this since my arrival here - and this even goes for people in my past who have kept tabs on me for years, and new fags alike.
I watched this video just now and it's interesting to me because I've had thoughts like this about how scary eternity would be, not being able to die. Both are just as scary as the next - life and death, and eternal life would eventually become hell for the self and the ego. I've thought a lot about what occurs after death though I follow the self and absurdism and will live day by day until I kick the bucket - then I'll see for myself what happens,
until then I will try to live. I've decided I will probably look into a psychiatrist just because I believe meds would honestly be of use for my brain 肉 and I have been distancing myself more than usual which actually scares me and makes me feel so isolated and alone, but I know I need to be the one to choose to make changes in my life.
I shut down my website some time ago because I can just use this place to post my thoughts,
I just don't have the money for things like that but maybe I should get a job,
but even when I have money and can buy nice things I still don't feel any happier,
maybe I just need to keep finding new media to consume.