Null/Kiwifarms Satire & Speculation Which lolcows would Josh have sexual fantasies about?

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Noghoul

An Onion Among Onions
None, because he can't get hard and seems to have terrible issues with being sexually aroused.
Amphetamines lowers bloodflow towards the penis and nitric oxide concentrations in blood, this is why some people get the condition known as "adderalldick" or "methdick"
It's basically chemically induced Erectile Dysfunction.
 

Noghoul

An Onion Among Onions
Do you think he might have some feelings of attraction towards any of the lolcows?
Some long-term listerners to his MATI podcast claim that he's sexually attracted to the fat dirty girls he talks about, and given how openly ecstasic he is to talk about them I wouldn't discard it.
Null sounds like a relative calmed individual most of the time, callous, uncaring even, but as soon as he talks about chantal or chelse he lightens up and sounds excited like a child in a candy store.

I don't know if you can call them "lolcows" in their own right, but Josh was attracted by some of his female forum posters and he was catfished by a troll who told him she was a wealthy teenage girl that could get him a 100k job because her CEO father just spoiled her that much.

One of the reasons why Josh hangs around Beauty Parlor so much is because he's trying to get connections, a job and, ultimately, a marriage, through the forum.
What a charmer.
 

Noghoul

An Onion Among Onions
Kengle, Vordrak, Donny "Gay porn god" Long
What's the deal with Donny Long?
He spammed /cow/ to hell and then his alogs spammed /cow/ to hell back.
His ED article claimed he was a hacker.

He actually got Kiwifarms to delete his thread and Josh to ban anyone who mentioned him, which was heavily mocked by the ED forums, what the fuck?
 

Admonisher12

First in last out
Remarkable Onion
What's the deal with Donny Long?
He spammed /cow/ to hell and then his alogs spammed /cow/ to hell back.
His ED article claimed he was a hacker.

He actually got Kiwifarms to delete his thread and Josh to ban anyone who mentioned him, which was heavily mocked by the ED forums, what the fuck?
Vordrak thought he was clever shit by getting Josh's enemies to work with him to take down kiwifarms.

Unfortunetly for him, he picked two gay faggots who are mentally ill. Donny Long and Eddie something-or-other. They're two faggots with aids and are responsible for blessing the world with homosexuality as the Gay Porn Gods (I should know - Im a faggot).

Donny was fucking Eddie with Vordy one day in an orgy and Eddie came first. If you know your gay orgy equitiquie, this is a no-no! This offended Donny. "WHAT HTE FUCK? DEALS OFF VORDRAK!"*

So then he cut a deal with Josh. He be all (in all caps) "YO ILL GO AFTER EDDIE AND VORDY AND DUMP MY EMAILS THEY SENT ME IF YOU DELETE THREAD" and Josh, thinking he struck gold, agreed. This will surely have things he can use to nail Vordrak! It didn't. And he never restored it.

*Okay it was so long ago that I forget what happened exactly, the donny long and short of it is that Vordy had to juggle two mentally unstable perverts and somehow he pissed Donny off in this, who made a plea-bargin with Josh
 

Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt

Owner
I'm your friendly neighborhood skinwalker
Some long-term listerners to his MATI podcast claim that he's sexually attracted to the fat dirty girls he talks about, and given how openly ecstasic he is to talk about them I wouldn't discard it.
Null sounds like a relative calmed individual most of the time, callous, uncaring even, but as soon as he talks about chantal or chelse he lightens up and sounds excited like a child in a candy store.

I don't know if you can call them "lolcows" in their own right, but Josh was attracted by some of his female forum posters and he was catfished by a troll who told him she was a wealthy teenage girl that could get him a 100k job because her CEO father just spoiled her that much.

One of the reasons why Josh hangs around Beauty Parlor so much is because he's trying to get connections, a job and, ultimately, a marriage, through the forum.
What a charmer.
He wants to marry upward in terms of economic status. Maybe he thinks there is a celebrity or prominent person.who will be the woman of his dreams. His lovequest. Oh wait.... where have we heard of this before?
 

Whales Forever

Registered
He 100% wanted to fuck Emily Youcis at one point, would most likely still want to if she wasn't married or something.
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SSF2T Old User

No Super Combos Necessary
Hellovan Onion
Jesus Christ

I'd expect this kind of behavior from a middle-school boy who's just discovered women and easily falls in love with them at first sight. How the fuck would any adult show their face after that kind of performance in front of a fuck-ton of people?
 

Whales Forever

Registered
Jesus Christ

I'd expect this kind of behavior from a middle-school boy who's just discovered women and easily falls in love with them at first sight. How the fuck would any adult show their face after that kind of performance in front of a fuck-ton of people?
He's probably playing it up a bit tbh. Its still really weird and I have no doubt that if in 2016 she had sent him a message on facebook saying "lets save the white race, together" he would have moved in the next day.
 
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