im going to try to make this as short as possible. i initially made a kiwifarms account just to talk to him because after i had gotten doxed, i was isolating myself from people who i was convinced were "bad influences" on me which was... a lot of people. basically i was preeettyyy fuckin lonely
before i go into this more i want to explain that i am a person who is very desperate for human connection due to the terrible circumstances i grew up with. i dont want to go into more detail than that because this isnt about my mental problems, but this is about how i think toji is a weird person. i understand that i walked into a situation that had so many red flags and if you cant sympathize with me at all for this thats fine
ANYWAYS
when i first read this post i thought toji was someone who genuinely saw through me. its rare to meet people who genuinely understand me, especially those who can understand how i am without talking to me first
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i then made an account that i initially intended to be only for talking to him telling him i was thankful for what he said to me and that i was trying to take his advice into consideration. i regret ever doing this because it spiraled into something really weird Really quickly
i dont have many screenshots of our interactions because my account is banned. HOWEVER. i did save this screenshot of him encouraging me to film myself taking my meds. i do wanna say i was the one who proposed this idea However the way he was talking to me beforehand made me feel like i was being punished. i know this is a silly way of thinking but please understand that i am mentally ill with an extensive trauma history and have diagnosed developmental delays so i do not always process things the way normal people do... not an excuse either just trying to explain to people who dont know me why i acted the way i did
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i dont want to talk too much about our other interactions, but i do want to mention that we did have offsite contact on slack. ever since he decided to go along with a bunch of people on kiwifarms calling me a pedophile because i mentioned i had sent nudes of myself while underaged to an adult aged partner i decided to try to somewhat limit contact with him. i no longer have access to the conversation we had after he publicly called me a pedophile, but he tried super hard to reassure to me that he didn't "actually mean" calling me something so serious and hurtful. made me realize he was not a good person to keep around in my life
thats all i have for now but i am willing to answer questions about this to a limited extent. also no, we never talked on discord. i also sincerely doubt he was interested in me romantically due to the nature of our interactions
