Attack on Titan (unmarked spoilers)

Bunny Tracks

Bunny Tracks

Nothing equals the splendor
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NOTICE: I'm using my original OP from KF because I think it's decent enough, and I don't care enough and/or have the patient to type up a new one.

READ THE OP BEFORE ASKING ABOUT THE PIGS​

Attack on Titan is a stupid series about stupid people fighting giant stupid naked people while trying to get to the main character's fucking basement, and then to the fucking ocean.

At least, that's what it used to be about.

To be more specific, the tl;dr summary for the series is that Attack on Titan is currently an ongoing story that started out as a unique spin on the zombie apocalypse genre before slowly devolving into what can only be described as some really weird, and contrived WWII-esque GoT fanfic that makes less and less sense with every new chapter. For a more in-depth explanation, I'd like to use Secret Asshole's post from his thread on Subverting Expectations because he sums it up way better than I ever could.

I mean, for non-anime people, I really feel like I have to explain how really jarring this was. Attack on Titan was this post-apocalypse setting where the remnants of humanity were set up in these huge walls, surrounded by gigantic titans, monsters that would just eat people. Then you gradually learn there are sentient titans, humans that can control these monsters. So there's this big mystery, the primary genre is the horror of people fighting these things. The answers are held in the protagonist's basement. For which there's this huge charge, a major sacrifice, huge character deaths to get to.
Then it turns out that no, humanity is thriving and just fine, and the island is just a World War 2 concentration camp (figuratively) because the world hates the Jews people on this island and they're there for punishment. They just have a deus ex machina magic titan that uses the MIB mind eraser on the entire population of this island to forget the existence of the rest of the world to make an excuse as to 'why don't they know the world exists'. Then there's a whole bunch of bullshit nonsense with royal families and bloodlines and shit and eventually most of the 'fighting these horrifying titans' are replaced with some stupid fucking world political machinations and its just fucking nauseatingly bad, where Isayama did a major timeskip after this revelation and basically the protagonist's motivations have made absolutely no sense since then, because he clearly doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Fuck even the major ANTAGONIST'S actions make no sense at all. Even WITH what he revealed.
It gets worse.

One of the more disturbing things to note in AoT is that the author, Isayama, seems to want us to think both sides are bad despite one the sides being literal Nazis. You see, it turns out the big bad responsible for everything in the series is actually an evil kingdom known as the Kingdom of Marley, (yes, that is really its name) and it's very clearly an analog for Nazi Germany. Here are just some of the reasons:
  • 1930s attire
  • Secret Police
  • German names
  • Ghettos separating people based on race
  • Society is incredibly racist
  • Genociding people
  • The island the OG cast is on is basically just one big concentration camp
Despite all of these reasons, Isayama either doesn't realize this, is truly ignorant of the brutality and evilness of the Nazis, or he just doesn't care. It could be a combination of all three, really. The thing is though, is that even if all this was just coincidental it doesn't excuse the fact that he still tried to get us to feel bad for a kingdom that has been feeding hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children alive to huge monsters while the rest of them die of starvation.

His attempt at making us sympathize with the KoM basically amounts to having the protagonist, Eren, stoop to their level and purposefully kill a bunch of KoM civilians, and then trying to show that the Nazis KoM had hard lives too. It did not work because the KoM is still an analogue for Nazis. All it really did was piss off more people.

There's other shit like how the KoM entire existence basically breaks the entire world-building of the series, the ever-increasing amount of plotholes, asspulls, contrivances, and the very stupid, and yet somehow real possibility that this entire story might be a time loop, but I think it's best to stop here. If you have anything to add, please do so.

EXPLAINING THE PIGS:​
TL;DR: THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE SERIES WAS CAUSED WHEN SOME KID NAMED YMIR (NO, NOT THE LESBIAN ONE THAT WAS IN LOVE WITH HISTORIA. THIS IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ONE) LET OUT SOME PIGS OVER TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO. THAT ACT SOMEHOW CAUSED THE ENTIRE WORLD TO HATE ELDIANS SO MUCH THEY WERE FINE WITH GENOCIDING THEM.

YES, REALLY.

ALSO, YMIR WAS THE FIRST TITAN SHIFTER BECAUSE SHE FELL DOWN A HOLE THAT WAS UNDER A TREE THAT LOOKED LIKE A NAKED LADY, AND ONTO A BIGASS HUMAN SPINE THAT WAS JUST DOWN THERE. NO, WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHY IT WAS THERE, OR WHATEVER SHIT LIKE THAT. IT WAS JUST THERE.

ALSO, YMIR WAS FORCED TO BE THE WIFE/SEX-SLAVE/WAR MACHINE OF KING FRITZ THE FIRST, AND SHE BORE HIM THREE DAUGHTERS THAT THE WALLS IN THE SERIES ARE NAMED AFTER. ALSO, THE DAUGHTERS HAD TO CANNIBALIZE THERE MOTHR AFTER SHE WAS KILLED BY A LIMBO STICK SPEAR TO THE NECK.

AFTER BEING ONESHOTTED BY A STICK THAT SHE SHOULD'VE EASILY BEEN ABLE TO SURVIVE CONSIDERING WHAT WE SEE OTHER TITAN SHIFTERS SURVIVE IN-SERIES, AND BEING EATEN BY HER OWN CHILDREN, YMIR BECAME A CHILD AGAIN, AND HAS BEEN CHILLING IN THE PATHS SYSTEM THIS ENTIRE TIME AND IS BASICALLY THE SERIES EQUIVELANT TO GOD, OR WHATEVER.

THAT'S IT.

MOVING ON.

UPDATE AS OF 11/2019:
  • Eren got decapitated via shotgun (not a shotgun, it looks more like a fucking an anti-tank rifle) blast fired from a twelve-year-old Nazi Marleyan while he was running, and in the middle of a chaotic, titan-filled battlefield.
  • He and Zeke then hung out in the void PATHs system for a while as Zeke tried to explain to Eren that an entire race should go extinct just because their father, Grisha, was a bad person. Yes, really. That his entire plan. He tried showing Eren this via flashback to Eren's childhood, but unlike how he was with Zeke, Grisha was a great dad to Eren. Needless to say, Zeke's plan on convincing Eren that an entire race should be genocided just because they had a shitty dad fails.
  • What basically amounts to time-travel is introduced. It's not really time-travel so much as it is Time-Transcendence because you don't physically go forward, and backwards in time, but your...consciousness/essence/soul/whatever the fuck it is does, and it lets you fuck around with the timeline. Users of the PATHs system can "influence" events/people in the past/future to either change, prevent, or cause them to happen in the first place.
  • There is no multiverse in this series. There is seemingly no limit to how far a user can travel forward/back in time. How a user "influences" events/people is incredibly vague, and never really explained.
  • Eren influenced his dad to kill the royal family, and to prevent his mom from finding out he stabbed two people to death when he was eight, among other things.
  • Grisha somehow appears to Zeke, and tells him to stop Eren, and then hugs him even though the fucker has been dead for literally years.
  • God, or the closest thing this series has to a God, is a little girl named Ymir, and besides the God thing, has nothing to do with the other Ymir who loved Historia. This Ymir is the original titan after she transformed when she fell down a large hole under a tree onto a big-ass human spine after she was being chased the first King Fritz who wanted to kill her after she accidentally let some pigs out. Yes, this entire series started over pigs.
  • King Fritz then made her his wife/sex slave/personal titan-shifter weapon, and she, and him had three daughters, Rose, Maria, Shina. After she was killed by being stabbed in the neck with a limbo stick spear, Fritz made his daughters cannibalize their mother.
  • Ymir, who returned to being a child after she entered the PATHs system, has been stuck there for a long-ass time, and can basically control everything. This is how Zeke intends to make the Paradisers extinct by telling her to make them all sterile so they'll just die out naturally.
  • Eren hugs her, and basically tells her that she is not a slave/she can do whatever she wants/give me liberty, or give me death/ *America Intensifies*, and shockingly this works. Eren busts out of the PATHs system, turns into a giant fucking hellbeast, and his plan is finally, finally revealed.
  • He wants to end racism by killing all other races. More specifically, he wants to ensure the Paradisers are safe by wiping out all other life outside Paradis Island.
  • The Rumbling has started.
UPDATE AS OF 12/2019:
  • Annie's fucking out of the crystal.
  • Pixis and Nile are dead.
  • Reiner literally takes a nap during the apocalypse Rumbling.
UPDATE AS OF 01/2020:
  • Levi and Hanji somehow got out of the river, acquired a medical wagon, bandages, and horse. Levi is confirmed to be alive, which means the dwarf survived a blast that literally sent a man into another dimension, and literally ripped apart time and space.
  • Everyone is still yelling at Mikasa, because why not?
  • Floch is going around killing people.
  • Annie was apparently conscious the entire time she was crystallized, which just makes what Armin did to her, and what her supposed best friend, Hitch, said even worse. Hitch also flipped her like a pancake when she threatened to slit her throat. Also, Annie's apparently adopted as proven by her taking a fucking blood test.
  • The Rumbling is still going on, and Eren's still hellbent on global genocide.
UPDATE AS OF 02/2020:
  • It's apparently been days, and Eren, and his army of colossal titans still haven't reached Marley even though it's been canonically proven to be less than a days' travel away by boat. You'd think they would be faster than the so-obese-it had-to-crawl Ross titan, but no.
  • We brushed Connie's House-titaned mom's teeth because that's clearly important to do during the Apocalypse Rumbling. I didn't even think dental hygiene existed in AoT.
  • Levi not only survived, but he's awake, aware, moving, and has injuries so minimal that fucking Hanji, a woman with no known medical training, was able to treat him in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Oh, and he's going to kill Zeke.
UPDATE AS OF 03/2020:
  • The Survey Corps is just sitting around bitching, and fighting with each other like they have for like the past four chapters.
  • Hange/Hanji (I don't know and I don't care) makes the stunning, and brave statement that "Mass slaughter is wrong!" even though she, and the rest of the SC have participated in such a thing like a dozen times before.
  • Jean had a daydream where he, and Mikasa had a baby, and they lived in some fancy apartment in God knows where.
  • Jean beat the shit out of Reiner for killing Marco, and kicks Gabi after she got in the way.
  • Eren still hasn't gotten to the KoM yet. I like to think that he got lost, and is just fumbling around in the ocean as a giant hellbeast with all the other Rumbling titans wondering what the fuck he's doing.
  • The SC says they're going to go and try and talk things out with Yeagerists. Spoiler: They don't. They don't even fucking try.
  • Oh, and Floch is holding Kiyomi hostage.
UPDATE AS OF 04/2020:
  • Apparently, Eren has made it to KoM even though everything else implied that he hadn't, and was slow as balls. Also, this means that SC has just been wasting precious time by dicking around and brushing Connie's House-titan mom's teeth.
  • Remember how the SC said they were gonna try to talk things out with the Yeagerists? Well, neither do they as they just tried to sneak in and immediately start killing people as soon as they got caught.
  • Daz and Samuel (Daz was the guy with a family who Pixis inspired to stay behind and fight the titans for, and Samuel was a background character who looked like Marco) got their brains blown out by Connie of all people, meaning this is literally the first (second?) time he has actually ever done something by himself in this entire series.
  • Funnily enough, he was the one freaking out about killing people in this very same chapter.
  • Armin's gets shot in the mouth and loses a lot of teeth, but he's a titan-shifter so that doesn't matter.
  • Annie and Reiner use their titan forms to fight the Yeagerists.
UPDATE AS OF 05/2020:
  • There was no chapter due to the Coronavirus Pandemic.
UPDATE AS OF 06/2020:
  • Armin and Connie kill everyone because why not?
  • Shadis betrays his country because he's mad that Floch, a literal psychopathic, Nazi, murdering cult leader, got his ass rightfully kicked. Yes, really.
  • Shadis and Magath (the guy that looks like Shadis but isn't him. I don't remember anything else about him and I don't care because it doesn't matter) blow themselves up to destroy the harbor so the Yeagerists can't follow the SC. Apparently, Paradis only has one harbor. Yeah, I don't get it either.
  • Hange apparently used to have a crush on Shadis for some fucking reason. No, it was never brought up before and it was never even implied.
  • Annie and Reiner get their asses kicked by the Yeagerists who also have/are titan-shifters now, and the SC had to save them.
  • Falco's revealed to be a titan-shifter, and his titan form looks like a Deviantart OC wingless griffin.
  • The SC finally goes after Eren, even though it's probably already too late.
UPDATE AS OF 07/2020:
  • Annie basically says "Screw you guys, I'm going home." and ragequits the SC after realizing her home country of Liberio has been destroyed and her dad is probably dead.
  • Zeke of all people is the one to tell Eren that Mikasa puts up with all his bullshit because she loves him, and not because of her Ackergenes. No, I don't know why Zeke was the one to tell us this when he's only seen the two interact about a handful of times, and Zeke is literally a mass-murdering monkey.
  • Also, in addition to the above, some delusional fans have taken this to mean that all Ackergenes are actually fueled by love, and since Levi's Ackerness was towards Erwin, this means that Eruri is canon. I don't really have much to say on that other than I hope that's true, because that means that KennyxUri is also canon, and that's fucking hilarious to me.
  • Eren told Floch about his plan to genocide the world, and Floch, a psychopathic, crazed, cult-leading, Nazi serial killer, is justifiably horrified it.
  • Eren also told Historia about it, and she was against it too, rightfully pointing out innocent will be killed and even brings up Eren's mother, Carla, as an example of this sort of thing happening before. Eren doesn't react or care.
  • Eren, who has stated in previous chapters that he hates ignorant people, (though not as much as he hates slaves or cows), offers to wipe Historia's memories of the Holocaust global genocide because he's been able to just do that for a while now, I guess, so she won't feel bad, thus making her an ignorant person. Naturally, she turns him down.
  • Historia offers to get knocked up and then does as she's still pregnant to this very day.
  • Eren tried to stop her from getting pregnant by saying he wouldn't allow herself to be eaten by her future children so they could get her power, even though Eren himself has already taken her power, so the idea of Historia's future children cannibalizing her makes no fucking sense.
  • We get to see Eren cutting off his own leg and gouging out his own eye with a bullet during his homeless bum phase.
  • Titans can swim now, even though they're supposed to go inactive in the dark and in/underwater. I'm pretty sure this is just Eren's god powers at work.
  • We see Eren's god form and it deadass looks like a claw machine or a drone. I wanna fly it like one.
UPDATE AS OF 08/2020:
  • The Rumblings going on and it's just as horrifying as you thought it be.
  • Fez, and Halil, the latter of whom's name I deadass read as Halal, get brutally and graphically killed by Eren and his Colossal Caravan.
  • Eren tells Fez in the PATHs system I think(?) that he's really, really sorry about the whole genocide thing and killing him and shit, but not enough to actually stop it. Fez asks why he's crying.
  • In general, Eren is suddenly super fucking remorseful, and guilty about literally genociding the whole world, despite everything his entire character has said and done this last arc saying completely otherwise. Okay, there was that one panel in Chapter 123, but still, he's been planning this for literal years and should've not gone through with his plan if he feels so bad about it.
  • Eren, despite literally foreseeing everything, still couldn't come up with a better solution to save his people than ending racism by killing every other race. Nor that his friends would try to stop him. Nor anything else that's happened along during his Colossal Caravan rampage.
  • Eren admits that he was disappointed by the outside world and its people, which honestly I can't fault him for considering they wanna genocide his race because of some pigs.
  • Eren also wonders what he is mom would think about him committing global genocide despite him not giving a shit about what her or what she would think the last chapter.
  • AruAni (ArminxAnnie) is suddenly randomly confirmed canon in totally not an attempt to distract us from the fuckton of damage control and backtracking Isayama is doing.
  • The chapter ends with Eren thinking that they haven't seen everything this world has yet. C'mon, Deus ex nukes!
  • On a positive note, the art is noticeably much better in this chapter than it has been for literally the last dozen+ ones before.
UPDATE AS OF 09/2020:
  • Hanji literally got burnt to death fighting the Colossal Caravan. She did this to buy time even though it really wasn't that needed, and she didn't accomplish really anything while doing it. Still, she got a bit of her old personality back before she died so there's that. Also, she died literally one day before her birthday so RIP.
  • The afterlife might've been confirmed to exist, but it might've just been Hanji's dying dream.
  • Floch (who I thought had already died) died for reals this time after Mikasa shot his ass with a harpoon.
  • Eren apparently knew and thought about a plan to just use strategic Rumblings to protect Paradis, but to genocide the whole world anyways...? I guess...? Apparently? I don't fucking know anymore.
UPDATE AS OF 10/2020:
  • Levi still wants to kill Zeke because it might stopped the Rumbling, and he's still really fucking pissed at him for rightfully blowing himself up because Levi was torturing him, and impaled the explosive in him in the first place.
  • The Cringevengers somehow make it to the PATHs System for like five minutes to tell Eren to stop genociding the world for them. Eren says no.
  • Mikasa has been so beaten down by everyone yelling at her, and blaming everything on her that she has now accepted everything as her fault and literally says that everything Eren does is her fault and she has done it too. Like usual, no one tries to even argue with this.
  • Child!Eren and Ymir are shown standing creepily in the PATHs System, implying that the Child!Eren/Ymir controlling everything theory could be correct.
  • Levi might've regrown his fingers because of the PATHs System, but this might've just been another art mistake by Isayama.
  • The Cringevengers are yeeted from the PATHs System after accomplishing literally nothing.
  • Annie's babysitting the Gabi, and the other Nazis, and her father might be alive, or something. I don't know, and I really don't care.
  • Ending scene of the other people of the world firing what may be either nukes or just missiles at the Colossal Caravan.
  • APPARENTLY, FALCO CAN FLY, AND JUST FORGOT HE COULD DO SO, THUS RENDERING HANJI'S DEATH COMPLETELY FUCKING POINTLESS.
UPDATE AS OF 11/2020:
  • Historia finally shat out her baby after being pregnant for longer than Bonnie Swanson. I don't fucking care tbh.
  • Speaking of babies, a baby was saved while Eren was unrepentantly genociding the entire world. It wasn't Historia's baby, but I wish it was, because that would be amusing to me.
  • Eren's genocide is really fucking brutal, and I still don't care. I think it's awful, but I hate how everyone doesn't even attempt to argue with him about how fucking stupid it is, and that just makes me think they really are too dumb to live.
  • Levi did not in fact grow back his fingers. Isayama did just fuck up again like usual.
  • The nukes did nothing. RIP.
  • Additionally, the worldbuilding has also been nuked yet again, but it's already been nuked so much already that it doesn't even matter anymore. This series has no setting anymore. It has no reality, nor rules anymore. It's whatever Isayama wants it to be now.
  • Eren is forcing Zeke to attack the SC with his titan powers, and Zeke's apologetic about it.
  • Levi literally screamed "THAT FUCKING MONKEY!", or "THAT FUCKING MONSTER!" when he saw Zeke. I choose to believe the former because even though he shouldn't know what a monkey fucking is, the idea of a tiny, angry, perpetually-constipated, sociopathic dwarf screaming "THAT FUCKING MONKEY!" ala Gordon Ramsay is just fucking hysterical.
UPDATE AS OF 12/2020:
  • Turns out Hange did die for nothing 'cause Eren's been back at Paradis this entire time.
  • Levi's coughing up blood and stuff.
  • Eren's god powers let him summon admittedly really cool looking titan varieties that should've been introduced a long time ago, and not when the series is literally (hopefully) almost done.
  • Eren can summon past titan shifters....kind of...and use them to fight for him. He uses this power to have a crying Bertholdt attack Reiner.
  • Armin gets kidnapped by Eren, and gets Casca'd by some gross looking tongue thing.
  • Mikasa finally decides to be the badass we all know, and love, and finally start kicking ass and taking names.
  • The Cringevengers fight Eren and his Colossal Caravan with exactly the amount of success you'd expect them to.
  • Zeke might already be dead...? I have no fucking clue, and I don't care.

UPDATE AS OF 01/2021:
  • Zeke's fine. He's just been dicking around in the PATHs system's sand this entire time. Armin decides to join him because that's where he went after Eren kidnapped him.
  • Pieck is somehow the only one left with a brain cell because she's actually the only one who fully understands that shit needs to get done, and fast with no time for any sentimental bullshit. Also, she has catapult/cannon powers now, and transform whenever she wants because shut the fuck up.
  • Levi almost regrets shit, but then doubles-down like usual.
  • Mikasa has to kill Eren and is still confused about why for some fucking reason.
  • Gabi theorizes that Eren might have the ancient parasite him.
  • The Ackertalk still hasn't happened and it probably never will considering the factor below.
  • This entire series has to wrap up in three chapters despite there being so much shit left to deal with.

Miscellaneous:
  • Icecream, pizza, baseball, clowns, cars, planes, blimps, blood tests, (not just any blood tests, blood tests that can tell you what race you are), and all manner of 1940s-esque technology exists in this world.
  • Other races exist, along with other countries.
  • Prior to their deaths, Pixis, Nile, and other background characters were titanized by the Marleyans.
  • Jean has apparently always thought Eren was super cool because that certainly doesn't contradict anything about his character.
  • Mikasa tried to tell Eren that she loved him, but failed spectacularly, and hilariously by family-zoning herself.
  • Eren told Mikasa that's he's always hated her even though that's clearly not true, and a really stupid thing to say.
  • Historia is still pregnant, and we still don't know who the father is. She gave birth in chapter 135, but we still don't know who the father is. It's probably that random farmer guy. I wonder if he uses this site...
  • Armin was heavily implied to have spanked it to Annie's unconscious, (Not unconscious as confirmed by chapter 125. She was conscious for the entire five fucking years she was in there) crystallized body, and her best friend, Hitch, thought this was a good thing, and definitely wasn't utterly disgusting, or rape-y at all.
  • Apparently, the two things Eren hates the most in this world are enslaved people, (no, not slavers or slavery itself, just enslaved people) and cows.
 
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Bunny Tracks

Bunny Tracks

Nothing equals the splendor
Registered
For some reason I can't update the OP, but nothing really happened in the last two chapters, besides more boring stupidity, asspulls, and the fact that this thing is supposed to wrap up in three chapters.

The Ackertalk still hasn't happened, and most likely never will, there's a parasite that might be the cause of all this now (I honestly don't remember if this was brought up before, and I don't want to slog through pages of poorly-drawn, poorly-written bitching to check, so if someone can confirm it for me that'd be great), and for some fucking reason Pieck (the Camel!Titan) of all people is the only one left with a brain cell. I mean, not also including Armin, but still.
 
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