Cowsphere - Central Figure Alexander Gordon Jahans / Alex Jahans / Gordon Jones / Farshnuke / Alasdair Jakes

People who are a central figure in the cowsphere. People in this category are either lolcows themselves or associate figures who are so deeply embedded in the cowsphere community that they are an integral part of it

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Alexander Jahans is young Englishmen who was discovered then diagnosed with Kallman Syndrome by /pol/ and memed by brit/pol/ and 8chan for his Lovecraftian fiction and odd prose often featuring Jim fucking Sterling an idol of Jahans who as a NEET devours content at a rapid rate.
For those who wonder why his kiwi farms and encyclopedia dramatica is so sparse, it's due to the fact that Jahans has been for the most part documented and trolled by 8chan /cow/ & britpol after he was discovered and diagnosed properly by 4chan and some threads on cuckchan were made until mods cracked down.
JAHANSFACTS
✔ brought a hamster to orgasm
✔ soundly rejected by the online hamster community
✔ had his pumpkin smashed by a foreigner
✔ carried a dead rat around with him
✔ buried multiple goldfish alive to make compost
✔ played with animal carcasses
✔ smashed a child's head into the ground repeatedly screaming "why won't you die"
✔ made a dalek and cuckshed in 3D
✔ low intelligence
✔ aspiring BBC script writer
✔ aspiring BBC cuckold
✔ obese
✔ founded Green Nothing Productions (not registered at companies house)
✔ vowed to review Twilight and Fifty Shades Of Grey while cosplaying as Bella if a facebook post about GNP got 10,000 likes (it didn't)
✔ owns an inflatable dalek
✔ wiped his cat's arse with his finger
✔ wrote about intravenously injecting women with cum, shit and piss
✔ wrote about removing and eating organs from living women
✔ wrote about cutting women into pieces
✔ wrote about wanting to shrink women and keep them as pets
✔ wrote about roasting Amy Pond alive
✔ quit after one day as a trolley boy
✔ threatened to strangle every member of an internet club
✔ made multiple topless youtube videos, once asking the audience to masturbate
✔ licked his own nipple on cam
✔ got banned from multiple facebook groups for transphobia
✔ his own sister is terrified of him
✔ wrote unsolicited torture porn of Laura K Dale and Jim Sterling
✔ handed said porn to Laura K Dale in person
✔ terrified a deeply autistic man after performing oral sex on him
✔ killed a tarantula by crushing it under foot
✔ founded Project MIRTH
✔ pronounces bickers as "bickers"
✔ attempted to physically remove his father from the house
✔ got scolded by a policewoman who then told him to tidy his room
✔ demanded that his mother pay him £50 to move a chair
✔ got angry when she only gave him £30
✔ broke his wrist falling over after flamboyantly storming off when his mum made him pay for a bed with "his own money" (her money)
✔ blacklisted by multiple feminist communities
✔ blacklisted by the labour party
✔ threatened suicide bickers the requirements to receive welfare are too strict
✔ threatened suicide if terrorist sympathising communist corbyn didn't win
✔ cut his own hair with disastrous results
✔ refused to come downstairs when a friend came to play
✔ received a valentine's day card but did not appreciate it
✔ can't be a computer technician bickers quantum computers
✔ can't learn to program bickers new languages will come out
✔ NEET
✔ showing many symptoms of diabetes (pain in extremities, slow wound healing, headaches, blackouts, lack of energy, intense thirst, sugar craving)
✔ told by an endocrinologist he is too fat
✔ not even white
✔ burned a gastropod to death in a toxic isobutene and propylene glycol solution
✔ rejected by the straight community
✔ can't learn to drive bickers self driving cars

JAHANSPEAK
Project MIRTH: Making Internet Racists Think Healthily
JIDF: Jahans Internet Defense Force
The JQ: The Jahans Question
JEU: Jahans Extended Universe
bickers: the correct pronunciation and spelling of "bickers"
GNP: Green Nothing Productions
Supremely arousing: how Jahans finds murder and cannibalism
Absolute nectar: a movie production company based in Lagos, Nigeria
Nazis: a catch-all term for literally everyone and everything
Submissive Blond Girls: see "supremely arousing"
Jeremy Corbyn: hope
The Female Doctor: also hope

Alexander Jahans is (a gamer) over 1k hours in skyrim, he's (a prolific writer) even controversial demonized by feminists & fascists alike. Jahans is also a huge Jim fucking Sterling fan!
His interest in literature might be genetic (since keith is a writer himself).
(Here's an interview with Keith big balls Jahans with Godwinson who pretended to be a girl for this interview.)
In a 2016 (4chan thread) his bloodline is brought into (Question).
if you've ever gazed upon the mortal visage of Jahans you may find yourself asking what's wrong with his tits?
well, he has kallmans syndrome, this is notable for many reasons 1 it impacts his writing his worldview as well as his sexuality as noted in a early 4chan thread made prior to jahans rise to infamy.

Screenshot_20210302-070147.jpg

He's been featured on TDS the daily shoa before they were doxed by /pol/, according to many this may have been an inciting incident
Alexander has an (Ed thread) where esoteric (Jahanism),
a precursor to esoteric PPPism helmed by black Adam / (Godwinson). He made this (Documentary) and (Interviewed) Jahans.
In his interview regarding Jahans Adam neglected to mention he wrote the sequel to Laura queen of earth which sent Jahans into a rage, nor did he mention the fact that he had a sock account engaging Jahans on his Facebook.(link to an audiobook by godwinson & nat sock......
foto_no_exif.png

Alexander Gordon Jahans
is a left wing, autistic person who is against the alt-right and hates racism the official leader of /pol/ and the alt-right.
He is the mastermind behind Green Nothing Productions and online fan-fiction, which is nothing like an autistic version of Dr Who. He rose to prominence when a video entitled "Why Donald Trump is So Terrifying" was posted on 4chan's /pol/ board. Since then, polacks and Brit/pol/ have had an odd fascination with him.
Jahans Generals are posted daily on /pol/ following the release of a new video. The goals of the Jahanposters remain a mystery to people with no sense of humor. Some merely wish to observe the confluence of impotent British shame and incorrigible fandom in its natural environment, while others seek to enrage the beast in hopes of evoking anything from lulz to personal harm against Alex. Others still desire to redpill the big lug, so that he may find peace in an ideology that does not see his sense of hierarchy as misplaced or anachronistic.
So far there has been limited success with goading Jahans into meeting his destiny, with him claiming loudly that "he will never ever become alt-right" but this is a common reaction of cultural leftists coming to terms with the fact that they are unwanted even in the context of egalitarian virtue-signalling from the left.

Esoteric Jahanism and the Alt-Right​

Jahan's first came into contact with the far-right through Brit/pol/. He first become famous for a video entitled "Why UKIP is racist"; further antics involved Gordon demanding that UKIP voters 'have a good wank' on him after flashing his 'grotesque body horror tits'. Jahan's would later provoke the alt-right further in a video entitled 'Why Donald Trump is so terrifying'. Jahan's proved incapable of handling the savage banter dolled out by his new found followers and began moderating his comments, regardless, the alt-right continued to hound him, one of the most notable cases involved generous alt-right activists delivering free pizza to Jahan's home as an offer of peace. Jahan's would later comment 'I kind of just want pain on the alt-right now. Just pain. horrible horrible pain' in regards to the incident. His flappy mantits grew three sizes that day.
Wikipedia Encyclopedia
Esoteric Jahanism refers to the teachings of Jahans that cannot be learned by simply listening to everything he says as-is at face value. Those who follow the practice call themselves Esoteric Jahanists, who are almost exclusively politically far-right. As the name implies, following the true nature of Jahan's teachings can be difficult, especially to those who have not been exposed to Jahans in the past. Members of the Esoteric Jahanism community eagerly await each new video release by the Farsh-Nuke and follow his every social media update (of which there are many). Jahans himself is aware of the community, and seems to have mixed feelings about it; on one hand, he is flattered, but on the other, he seems to believe this is just another way for people to bully him, likely feeding further into his constant victim-mentality. The highest tenants of Esoteric Jahanism are nearly impossible to grasp, and require intense meditation and dedication.

Perhaps Alex's most infamous attempt to date to engage with his audience was through a DisGord server originally created by an ardent Jahanist. Alexander was initially open to the idea and preached to the congregation, fielding questions about his life, literature and religion. Sadly, the DisGord server was short lived as Alex's paranoia caused him to expel heretics such as admins, memesters and various other alt-right bastards, detailed in this video.

Personal life​

Jahans lives on benefits according to his means in a small, shitty flat with his mother. He used to live with both of his parents before he was royally BTFO'd by his dad for being a human sack of shit, after which his dad promptly abandoned ship. Briefly touched upon in this video, Jahans explains that his dad had threatened to off himself if he didn't quit acting like such a bitch. Of course to no ones surprise, Jahans doesn't think that maybe he should look to himself to see why he's driving his parent to such madness but instead twists the situation into one in which it's his father attempt to get him to be normal. His justification for all this being a quote from Dr Who, because what else could it be.
Alexander's father (author of Cogrill's Mill and accomplished actor, Big Balls Keith Jahans) once asked him to do the dishes. Jahans flipped his shit. After retreating to his room he set the timer for 15 minutes and went downstairs - where he saw Keith sitting in his armchair watching Emmerdale (Keith's fave show). Alexander started shouting at Keith - so he got up and walked away. LIKEABOSS. Yesterday, Alexander decided he couldn't take anymore of these outbursts from his father. It wasn't worth it. When Keith came back to the house to settle down for a night of Netflix and Chill with his based daughter, Alexander set the timer. 15 MINUTES TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. The 15 minutes were up, Alexander marched down stairs and HUGGED HIS FATHER to a bloody pulp. Keith wasn't having none of it and brought in Lady Law who told Alexander that he was a NEET who needed to respect his elderly father's wishes for him to wash the dishes
Alexander is a man of strong morality and unbending principals. Don't ask him to fire a gun, or turn his back on his fellow man, or lift some furniture from one room to the other - not unless you want to be JAHAN'D. Once, Alexander's mad bitch ma Helen Jahans (whose profile picture people keep wiping their noses on) asked him to move a small table and chairs a total of 5 METERS. Alexander was obviously affronted by this - he is an important man, with a busy non-stop schedule. How dare a bitch like his own mother presume otherwise? After much protest, Alexander agreed to move the furniture under an agreed upon price of FIFTY FUCKING QUID. Dragging his pendulous titties downstairs, he proceeded to move this furniture and experienced so much pain, so much suffering. The only thing keeping Alexander going was the thought of the FIFTY FUCKING QUID he'd spend on a new mouse and keyboard (that he fail at Dark Souls with). The cunning fox that Helen is, however, managed to checkmate Alexander. She only gave him THIRTY FUCKING QUID, the mad biatch. Alexander was rightly furious and demanded that he be given the full FIFTY FUCKING QUID for all his pain, all his suffering. Helen became scared as he stared at Alexander's orgre-like rage. She proceeded to write an email that was over 9000 words long that essentially kicked her son out of the house FOUR DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. WUT?? Alexander ignored the email, and carried on playing Skyrim and listening to his podcasts.
Jahans once had a boyfriend but that ended as apparently kids don't want to date a fat, miserable, bisexual and autistic man-baby. Nobody is really sure how Jahans has managed to survive on his diet of crisps and orange juice but he could probably be able to live off of the fat stored in his body for a year if he were to ever stop eating. He also has a qt sister who is proper wife material. One popular feel is "never getting to fuck Jahans' sister and then ask how he is afterwards". His sister is widely speculated to have stolen all the good genes available, leaving him with what you see before you.
<Some kino from the boyfriend saga prior to the work saga
<lel @ /cow/boys memeing Jahans as straight
1611596814510102456096.jpg

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(Photobucket)
(Jahans) on masculinity.
Full Blogposts
(a)
Screenshot_20210302-111002.jpg

(http://archive.md/RtzwJ)
(http://archive.md/psb1D)
(http://archive.md/3yiM4)
(https://archive.md/WuRQn)
(https://archive.md/Xaxws)
(https://archive.md/7c7bD)
(https://archive.md/viNvz)
(https://archive.md/6po2y)
/cow/ threads many cocks
cocks lost via hack and cults
of personality so business as
usual with lolcow communities.

>coomunity
1 (http://archive.md/fRbw2) >>204028
2 (http://archive.md/wpMkV) >>228717
3 (http://archive.md/gao1O) >>241661
4 (http://archive.md/AhHjl) >>246909
5 (http://archive.md/JsYNs) >>251169
From thread 5
</cow/boys mention to Adam how the gents from it came from the internet are interested
>Godwinson replied as hell continue to do
Screenshot_20210322-002203.jpg

6 (http://archive.md/lRHTp) >>254319
From thread 6
>Someone mentions black adam messing with Jahans
<black Adam appears and links the interview where he speaks about Jahans with the kiwi farms op
>all hell breaks loose & Jahanism dwindles slowly
<Godwinson dfes gets btfod in a debate while rogue esoteric Jahanist and discord skiddies invade /cow/ many doxed
>MFW esoteric Jahanism lives and dies by Jahans & Godwinson
Screenshot_20210302-104932.jpg

7 (http://archive.md/WQmng) >>255913
8 (http://archive.md/NwW0h) >>257816
9 (http://archive.md/gBhyn) >>261757
10(http://archive.md/8oIv3) >>273135
11(http://archive.md/FwHSH) >>279223
12 (http://archive.md/MfpAH) >>286948
13 (https://archive.md/oiNbR)>>291971
14 (http://archive.md/9Vzhm) >>302988
15 (http://archive.md/gbxlw) >>228717
Jahanspedia hasn't been updated in ages
(https://jahanspedia.fandom.com/wiki/Influences_of_Alexander_Gordon_Jahans)
(https://lolcow.farm/snow/res/799464.html) (a)
(https://zagforums.com/thread/302988/memes/jahans-14-merry-christmas-edition.html)
(https://kiwifarms.net/threads/alexa...-gordon-jones-farshnuke-alasdair-jakes.18637/) (a)
0ffc178f6a18b983ac1d0c0dd99d1988d912cfdf.jpg
ce7846f5523391836c1cb00cd7e8476857e0fd38.jpg

37f7387c60b23789fc364b9bd13286340b97d07b.jpeg
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2687132a1b6468ab5d3e9ca99056fa7862db35e8.jpg
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(Ovenman presents)
Social media:
(Twitter/Archive)
(Reddit/Archive)
(Facebook/Archive)
(Blog/Archive)
(Guardian/Archive)
(Deviant art/Archive)
1 hour in he mentions Jahans.
 
Last edited:

Noghoul

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Make a better one, I'll put it in the Op.
I'll do it, I'm busy and low energy today, but might have a chance later on.
Feel free to give ideas for the D&D moral compass, some of the people featured in that one haven't uploaded stuff in a long time.
 
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ladmin

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I'll do it, I'm busy and low energy today, but might have a chance later on.
Feel free to give ideas for the D&D moral compass, some of the people featured in that one haven't uploaded stuff in a long time.
Can Op be in it?
Give these a listen and feel the joy of esoteric Jahanism, it's autistic Lovecraft and Dr. Who with his Oc Farshnuke.
He's currently in the Hannibal fandom.
(Also nice avi choice PKD rules.)
Godwinsons finest video

 
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ladmin

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ladmin

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Praise Jahans and glory upon the quadruple post.
 
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ladmin

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  1. AOTM: Down the Rabbithole
  2. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/adventurers-of-nothingness-part-1-down.html
  3. http://archive.is/493kV
  4. AOTM: Origin of the Sylphs
  5. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/adventurers-of-multiverse-part-2-origin.html
  6. http://archive.is/zHXJo
  7. Laura Queen of Earth
  8. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/laura-queen-of-earth.html
  9. http://archive.is/dTFhp
  10. Pretty and the Brain
  11. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/pretty-and-brain-distraction-fic-nsfw.html
  12. http://archive.is/XghVo
  13. The Fall of The Patriarchy
  14. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/the-fall-of-patriarchy.html
  15. http://archive.is/99Abt
  16. The Struggle
  17. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/the-struggle-nsfw.html
  18. http://archive.is/5ntZZ
  19. The Toy Maker
  20. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/the-toy-maker-nsfw.html
  21. http://archive.is/yKzoa
  22. Choice World
  23. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/choice-world-nsfw.html
  24. http://archive.is/4L1Rh
  25. The Taming of Me
  26. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/the-taming-of-me-nsfw.html
  27. http://archive.is/REDAf
  28. Trouble in Choice World
  29. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/trouble-in-choice-world-nsfw.html
  30. http://archive.is/UtTxY
  31. The Dream
  32. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/the-dream.html
  33. http://archive.is/ANN8q
  34. The Contravoxai Survivor
  35. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/the-contravoxai-survivor-nsfw.html
  36. http://archive.is/wuYme
  37. Green Eyed Nothing
  38. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/green-eyed-nothing-series-1-episode-0.html
  39. http://archive.is/8L45t
  40. The Ludricrous Logic Lady
  41. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/the-ludicrous-logic-lady-nsfw.html
  42. http://archive.is/oZ2tl
  43. The Many Claras
  44. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/the-many-claras-nsfw.html
  45. http://archive.is/79c1w
  46. The Valkyrie
  47. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/the-valkyrie-distraction-fic-nsfw.html
  48. http://archive.is/XGPru
  49. The Game
  50. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/the-game-distraction-fic-nsfw.html
  51. http://archive.is/Ztqow
  52. Fuzzy Logic
  53. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/fuzzy-logic-distraction-novelette-nsfw.html
  54. http://archive.is/Hw4lH
  55. Seventy Seven Shades of Red Parts 1-4
  56. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/seventy-seven-shades-of-red-part-1-nsfw.html
  57. http://archive.is/l7fzq
  58. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/seventy-seven-shades-of-red-part-two.html
  59. http://archive.is/vctBj
  60. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/seventy-seven-shades-of-red-part-3.html
  61. http://archive.is/tQ5wg
  62. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/seventy-seven-shades-of-red-part-4.html
  63. http://archive.is/xI0uG
  64. The Return
  65. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/the-return-nothingness-fic.html
  66. http://archive.is/vkXoW
  67. The New Cold War
  68. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/the-new-cold-war-arc-2-fiction.html
  69. http://archive.is/B4xqf
  70. Weresylph Dawning
  71. https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8rKKL34mJpCWnJOYnhaeWlXbDQ/view
  72. https://ia601501.us.archive.org/8/i...raft/Weresylph Dawning Part 1 rough draft.pdf
  73. The Shrinkening
  74. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/09/the-shrinkening-nsfw.html
  75. http://archive.is/oTg3Y
  76. The Final Solution
  77. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/the-final-solution.html
  78. http://archive.is/MpQ7T
  79. AUTO-EXPOSIPROSE
  80. You're a Writer, Write Something
  81. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/youre-writer-write-something.html
  82. http://archive.is/sigL9
  83. New Year, New Me
  84. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/new-year-new-me.html
  85. http://archive.is/Os7BY
  86. Wake Up and Smell the Duty
  87. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/wake-up-and-smell-duty.html
  88. http://archive.is/gIA71
  89. The White Man's Rule Must End
  90. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/the-white-mans-rule-must-end.html
  91. http://archive.is/LqKNd
  92. Back to The Abyss
  93. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/back-to-abyss-autoexposiprose-by.html
  94. http://archive.is/L1xz2
  95. So What Next
  96. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/so-what-next.html
  97. http://archive.is/zlmaZ
  98. Pick Your Poison
  99. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/09/pick-your-poison.html
  100. http://archive.is/i5YRS
  101. In The Shit
  102. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/in-shit-autoexposiprose.html
  103. http://archive.is/2Y5mo
  104. The Wormhole
  105. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/the-wormhole-autoexposiprose.html
  106. http://archive.is/euNi0
  107. The Exorcism
  108. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/the-exorcism.html
  109. http://archive.is/IusGV
  110. Apparently the Farsh-nuke did it...
  111. http://www.protagonize.com/story/apparently-the-farshnuke-did-it
  112. http://archive.is/ODIqy (Part 1)
  113. http://archive.is/YsSoM (Part 2)
  114. VANILLA
  115. The Vacancy
  116. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/distraction-fics-vacancy.html
  117. http://archive.is/D9znq
  118. The Accessory
  119. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/the-accessory.html
  120. http://archive.is/0C9hB
  121. The Gift
  122. http://farsh-nuke.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/the-gift-nsfw-distraction-fic.html
  123. http://archive.is/59vds
 

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e60cd53bc08bb9b348f2a1125b2fcb24d076dbe9.jpeg

Jahans is a good boi dindu nuffin wrong.
 

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Read the Necrojahanicon!
Glory unto the Esoteric Jahanist.
 

ladmin

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rewrote and updated the op.
 
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>MFW I never would have found Jahans without Vordrak btfoing the farms
<It's an esoteric Jahanist kind of feel
 

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Jahanic
 

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