Soyteen Liker's Blog

[GuntMaster2000]

the facial hair would point towards pcos, you should get that checked

 

[Frosty Fetus]

the facial hair would point towards pcos, you should get that checked

@Soyteen Liker
You really should tell your doctor about this PCOS isn't fatal but it can lead to alopecia and difficulties having children (if you care about stuff like that. Do you have irregular periods?

 

[AshleysBigOlBelly]

Or you know, just reset your character configuration. It starts with a rusty shaving blade

 

[chudchudchudchud]

@Soyteen Liker
You really should tell your doctor about this PCOS isn't fatal but it can lead to alopecia and difficulties having children (if you care about stuff like that. Do you have irregular periods?

Yeah I actually saw the docs yesterday and he straight up left in the middle of the appointment but we're gonna see a new one on Thursday. He asked me if I had PCOS and wanted to check my hormones but since he left we didn't have anyone to follow-up with.

In other news, I got 'nished (banned) from SNCApedia because the new owner is biased against me and finds me annoying. I don't really get why though, he found me annoying for shitting up the shiwi (kiwifarms thread on soyjak party) with namefag stuff but that's literally the point of sncapedia, I even made a high-effort page on a user. I might make a new email because I don't want to risk the ones I use being leaked, do you guys got any ideas for an email provider? I already have 3 protonmails and I don't think I can make another one, tutanota takes too long, gmail needs a phone number, and I don't know about outlook and am kind of afraid of risking fucking up the sync feature to my mom's phone.

 

[Frosty Fetus]

we're

 

[Frosty Fetus]

do you guys got any ideas for an email provider?

The classic Proton Mail

 

[Frosty Fetus]

Aboriginal

 

[Muttley]

Idk the exact condition but my testosterone is probably elevated, but no I'm not trans.

I'm not a troon though.

100% you fucking faggot and i'm getting your sock jannied as soon as I can be not lazy enough (null blocked my email so its a big ask)

 

[Muttley]

You will never be me, not in a million fucking years

eat shit zoomer tranny faggot
2316 swp

 

[chudchudchudchud]

Today I was thinking of my relationship between my AAP/"him" and my actual kink/fetish (well it's technically a kink but I don't like the BDSM associations of the word kink and fetish is close enough so I will be using the term fetish from now on.)

But basically, it's like the Lacanian psychoanalytic concept of jouissance. It's hard to define exactly especially since I never took a single psychology class in my life, but it's related to 'enjoyment that feels so good that it transcends enjoyment and becomes painful.' I rarely achieve this state by simply thinking about my fetish, but when I do, it's exactly like that. It feels so good yet it hurts so bad, I love it especially because it's my only way of accessing the feeling of true intimacy without "him" - everything else is filtered through the lens of "I'm not a boy/man, so I cannot have anything else."

The jouissance is my closest approximation to love because everything else is locked behind "him." I essentially created both "him" and my fetish because real intimacy is terrifying on some strange level I cannot let myself access or truly understand. It's why I often characterize my female ego as a shell with nothing worthwhile to say while "he" is a brilliant boy/man full of life - "he" carries everything I find worthwhile to have.

I definitely remember the encoding and activation of my fetish but the encoding of "him" gets a little murky. It might have been my mother comparing me to my male cousin a lot when I was little, especially when I was very upset - as in the whole "Why can't you be more like him?" drivel. I guess it makes sense on some level, but it doesn't explain why I locked all of my emotions behind "him" and cannot truly feel anything but anxiety and the jouissance to my fetish. At least I don't think that explains it.

I hope some day I will be able to heal from these schemas/pitfalls/ykwim. I think I've developed a lot of self awareness than how I first starting off of as "Uhh I guess I wanna be a man so I can have a stronger libido." I think externalizing my thoughts helps a lot because I am a strong extroverted type in a Jungian sense. I'm curious what people here think.

 

[Muttley]

you should probably stop reading that garbage like immediately

i dont care how many references you saw in nier automata its unbecoming of a man to read faggot french bullshit
here's a nice book for a young man.

 

[Home]

So if you don't know me, here's my intro. Since I don't do much, I guess I will focus on the way I think and my autoandrophile urges (romantic and/or sexual attraction to the idea of being a man.) Recently though, I got banned off of both soyjakblog.com and Kiwifarms for "grooming" but I don't think what I did counts as that. Kind of fucked up, but people are overplaying it and literally making up lies that I sadistically manipulated a 16 year old for my own pleasure. Sucks that kiwifarms believed it. I've been writing articles on SNCApedia in the mean time because it's really fun and tickles my autism in a certain way. I wrote an article on a namefag from soyblog called basil because he's definitely eccentric. I think I will also be more active on Xitter.

But about the autoandrophilia (AAP for short), I really got excited at the idea of being "him/it" - my subconscious male ideal because of complicated reasons. The tl;dr is that it's an ideal I created after my childhood self "died" somehow - the "man" I want to become is essentially a continuation of my childhood self. The "man" thought that I essentially needed to become someone else because I'd continue to perish if I remained the same. It's quite distressing at times, especially when I hallucinate "his" penis or "he" tells me to become a pooner (ftm), but I think I've managed well enough recently.

Apparently stuff like bread and fruit juice spike testosterone in women so that probably contributed a lot. I've cut them both out lately and now I feel more in-touch with my girliness. I was even going to shave my legs and maybe arms but I ate too much and don't want to get a cramp in the shower or whatver my parents told me would happen if I showered while eating too much. I hope to update this blog with more neat stuff soon, nice to see you guys around.

what

 

[chudchudchudchud]

what

Care to elaborate? My AAP hasn't really been anything to talk about lately but my mom might be getting me a new psychologist soon because I feel anxious every day and nothing helps.

 

[Home]

Care to elaborate? My AAP hasn't really been anything to talk about lately but my mom might be getting me a new psychologist soon because I feel anxious every day and nothing helps.

I
Just don’t get why you like
Uh
Told us this

 

[chudchudchudchud]

I
Just don’t get why you like
Uh
Told us this

Why not? Pretending I'm normal won't suddenly make me normal, I think I need to attack the problems at their origin.

 

[Frosty Fetus]

Why not? Pretending I'm normal won't suddenly make me normal, I think I need to attack the problems at their origin.

Wise words fren

 

[Home]

Why not? Pretending I'm normal won't suddenly make me normal, I think I need to attack the problems at their origin.

Absolutely, I agree, people who pretend to be normal are retarded
I just don’t get why you chose to tackle it on a gossip lolcow forum

 

[chudchudchudchud]

Absolutely, I agree, people who pretend to be normal are retarded
I just don’t get why you chose to tackle it on a gossip lolcow forum

It's more than a gossip lolcow forum at this point, I don't really know where else I could go that isn't full of "Ummm that's transphobic and I'll ban you" people. I hate Discord but I'm addicted to it sadly.

 

[Home]

It's more than a gossip lolcow forum at this point, I don't really know where else I could go that isn't full of "Ummm that's transphobic and I'll ban you" people. I hate Discord but I'm addicted to it sadly.

I agree but it’s still anonymous. This just feels like too much that’s way out of our pay grade, and everyone here’s more interested in trolling than helping you out honestly.

Have you considered… a therapist? If you can’t afford it, 4chan. It’s calmed down a lot and there’s plenty of people there who would take your issue seriously

 

[Frosty Fetus]

I agree but it’s still anonymous. This just feels like too much that’s way out of our pay grade, and everyone here’s more interested in trolling than helping you out honestly.

Have you considered… a therapist? If you can’t afford it, 4chan. It’s calmed down a lot and there’s plenty of people there who would take your issue seriously

There are some people here willing to give advice through the filter of trolling but yeah her best bet for actual help is a therapist. Also a razor, for her facial hair of course.