₊˚⊹ ࿔ cyber doll's mind vomit.

[Gore ChanGore Chan is verified member.]

It's about time - though I found a psychiatrist that can work with me, and I have an appointment set up in the next few days to get le medicated, I've been told that the doctor is lenient so I will be mentioning prescriptions I've had in mind that I think will aid me. I've been told many times to not get medicated, but I've never been opposed to medications as I've tried many in the past and they've given me the edge I needed towards more motivation around my personal goals, so whatever works - works, ja? I will leave updates as to how things go with the appointment, my diag-nonsense, medication updates and so forth, but it will be nice to be "treated" even if it's just a shitty bandage to keep my head going forward.

I've been needing medication for awhile now - probably since I was younger as I saw a corpse at just the age of nine, rotted - my mind has probably been fried for a very long time so this is very long over-due "treatment" so that I'm more inclined to be productive rather than rotting within the self. I may as well take what I'm able to receive, if it's a means of "improvement" with the mental to work as needed.

There has been a lot going on within my personal life - things that I often keep to myself until I feel ready to share,
but I will probably be more active, especially as I'm back to being unemployed for the time being, the job market is shit.
I still don't know who may be keeping tabs on me but I still would not be surprised if certain people were still keeping an eye on this thread - such as people from my past, or other people who have had predatory thoughts about me ( I can't say for sure though ) though I still hold no ill intentions towards anybody whose caused me harm as that's not productive for me - it doesn't really serve me.

I was given a type of brain that is always wanting to "improve", to learn and be able to do more than what most people are capable of, always being able to pick things up with ease so I can only imagine what I will be capable of doing when I'm medicated and some energy within the self surfaces in the form of serotonin even if forced, I will probably have the abilities to get a lot finished that's been on the backlog while continuing to indulge in more projects that will force me to learn new trades ( something I've always believed to be important ) those who keep tabs on me, they won't be able to keep up - ( such as the pedophile sympathizers I've discussed on this thread before who have kept tabs on me / stalked me since I was a minor, they might even still continue to read this thread. )

Though,
things are getting better for me as I plan to force more changes,
something I've already proven being capable of doing.

 

[Gore ChanGore Chan is verified member.]

I've been in thought at how much a person whose willing changes in such a short span of time - the will of the human mind to better itself and always evolve. I've had a conversation, with some people who I came to find solace with who I didn't think would forgive me for going against their very nature and ways of thinking, but with the acceptance and being given room to realize that the things I've done in the past were things that work against me - they're not things that I can cover up having done, such as lewd content and the very basic habits of e-girl mentalities, though these have been things that I have also been very open about. There are still people from my past who call me a slut and a whore, and don't allow me to shed that skin and hold on to their predatory false-ideologic views of me that are of delusion. I don't understand people who need to hold onto the memories of the past for their own selfish fulfillment of feeling within a higher state of the very person they berate for being above their antics, it's pathetic. This happens to me very often, as people from my past will often come back around when I make statements of progressing to try and put into my mind that I'm going nowhere, despite these very individuals being in lower points in life than myself as I feel I'm doing what's needed to progress in the goals I have, something that those types of people lack - goals, dreams. It's the holidays and yet there are some people who still feel the need to be miserable towards somebody who doesn't even feel alive, it's the "treatment" of kicking a dead horse.